Restoration
by GenvieveWoolf
Summary: Rebuilding a community after a gang war is a long-term commitment, but sometimes it seems routine in comparison to the struggles of rebuilding a relationship after trust has been broken. Modern AU, Levi/Eren, mostly Eren's POV. Slash. Don't like, don't read (not explicit). Trigger warning: domestic abuse.
1. One Step At a Time

_I felt like writing and I've had this scenario in my head. If people like it, I will keep going. If nothing else, someone may find it therapeutic._

 _Cautions: slash, domestic abuse. I don't normally post this kind of story_ _—usually my stuff is pretty family-friendly. This has some tough and mature subject matter, but I intend for it to be uplifting in the end. I believe this is my first story that contains a slash pairing, so please judge gently. In real life I'm not a slash-enthusiast, but I support all manner of fan fiction because its purpose is to explore things that wouldn't happen in cannon, and it's an outlet for things that you can't otherwise express in real life. In this particular case, this just happens to be the pair of characters that I saw playing out this idea in my head, and I saw no reason to change it when I went to actually write out the story. I'm sure you have your own strong opinions either for or against slash_ _ _—this is not the place to post them. Please limit your comments to discussion of the story itself. Thank you!  
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* * *

One: One Step At a Time

I open my eyes and go through phases of emotion and memory. Another day to muddle through, trying not to miss him... but no, there's warmth beside me, a warm weight across my ribs that I realize is his arm. It's our first day back together after what seems like months. Should I pretend everything's normal? I shift so I can look over at him, and he jerks awake instantly. He's always been a light sleeper.

I open my mouth to say something, but I can't decide what mood to take. Before I've half made up my mind, he speaks.

"Morning."

It could be any other morning. A normal morning. But he's watching me carefully. No one else would notice it: he looks pretty normal, but I can tell he's over-analyzing everything. He knows me better than I know myself, and he's watching for the signs that I won't know I'm giving him until he's already reacted to them.

"Good morning," I answer, a little stiffly even though I tried to sound normal, too.

"Can I make you breakfast?" he asks. Again, his tone is completely normal, but the question holds more weight than it normally would, like he's not just asking if I'm hungry, or if I have time to make my own breakfast. He's asking permission.

"I'd like that," I say.

He sits up and stretches a little, rocking his head from side to side and I hear his neck pop. "What do you want?" he asks lightly.

"Oh, anything. Surprise me."

As he climbs out of bed, I see the tiniest hint of a smile, not even quite a smirk. He doesn't bother to take off his undershirt, instead pulling a T-shirt over it. Then he gets out a pair of jeans and carries them with him to the bathroom.

I can't pretend it's normal now. Normally, he would take off his pajama pants here, put the jeans on here, or even just strip down and head for the shower. It's like we're dating again. Not quite a solid couple yet. I bite my lip, but then snap myself out of it. I need to think positive. So far, so good. Why worry?

I get out my phone and open my text messages. I open my ongoing conversation with Erwin Smith and my thumbs hover uncertainly for a moment. Finally, I tap in, "Status: ok so far". I tap the send arrow and then slide out of bed.

I take my time getting dressed, knowing that Levi won't be coming back in until after breakfast, and that making it will take him longer than changing will take me. I'm glad it's the weekend, but that makes me nervous, too. We've both been given the weekend off. What are we going to do for all this time? Talking is hard. Not talking is harder.

My phone buzzes on the bed and I pick it up. Erwin has replied, "Good. Keep me posted."

Erwin has been great through all of this. Of everything to do with this whole mess, I am most glad of Levi's suggestion that we go to Erwin for help. Before becoming a police commissioner, Erwin had been a profiler and then, of course, a captain on his way up. His years of training in psychology were certainly a help to us now. He can be stern and immovable when necessary, or kind and compassionate. He understands where we're both coming from, and how to handle us both.

He knew how to handle us when we were new at the police station, too. Levi was already a captain by the time I got through the academy, the youngest one in the history of our precinct. I'd heard stories about him that were part of the inspiration that led me to apply to the academy in the first place. He was known for being tough... and friendless.

I naively thought I would change all that. I'd prove myself in my first few weeks as a rookie and the captain would take me under his wing. I'd soon be a full-fledged detective with my own team... Such big plans. I'm kind of glad they deflated me right away.

* * *

I stupidly thought at first that the commissioner wanted to see me because he'd heard I was a promising rookie. Maybe they wanted to promote me already. Boy, was I in for a surprise.

The captain and commissioner looked pretty serious, and Levi actually drew the blinds at Erwin's office windows. Another wild thought flitted through my imagination: I was going to be assigned to some top-secret mission that no one else could know about!

No. It wasn't anything like that. They had heard about where I grew up. Read about my mom's death in my file. Apparently there were people higher up (higher even than Commissioner Smith?!) that were concerned that I had ties to gangs. Why else would my home be targeted that night? My father had been charged with stealing drugs from the hospital where he worked; he'd lost his practice there and had to open a private practice. They "knew" (but couldn't prove) that he'd been selling those drugs. Was he selling them to a gang? Did he use me to deliver them?

I had never been so humiliated in my whole life. It made me angry. I'd done everything right. I'd agreed to take orders and do my duty no matter what that entailed, even risking my life and testifying against my father if necessary. "What more do you want from me?" I asked, now far from trying to impress anyone and much closer to desperation. "I was at the top of my academy class. I work hard. I want to help take those gangs down, and you think I'm one of them? I'm one of you! How can you not see that?!" I'd raised my voice. I hadn't meant to, but I was that upset.

Then I felt something hit the side of my face and I staggered to my knees. Levi was standing over me, shaking his hand as if it had fallen asleep and he were trying to restore his circulation. "If it's a lesson you want, I'll gladly be the one to give it to you," he declared.

I was so stunned, I didn't know what to do. I was so embarrassed, ashamed... I hung my head. Yelling at superiors was never a smart thing to do. They'd called me here in private to learn the truth for themselves before taking official action. I was screwing up royally. Though I wondered later why Erwin never reprimanded Levi for hitting me... now I think he probably did, just not when I was around.

When I peeked up at them again, Erwin looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"Well, clearly the captain can handle you if you are a threat," he said with a twinkle in his eye that just mortified me further. "The thing is, Eren, if you do have any ties to the gangs in the neighborhood where you grew up, we can use that. You may be able to gain their trust where the rest of us can't."

So... they _wanted_ me to have gang ties. They wanted to use me. It kind of _was_ a secret mission. Almost. I started to feel a little less humiliated. Levi helped me into a chair and Erwin pushed a glass of water toward me. I was able to talk more calmly after that.

I told them everything I could remember. I thought maybe my dad had been dealing drugs. He always insisted to me that he stole them to help people who couldn't afford the prescriptions, but I couldn't say for sure that it was true. He'd left town to open his new practice when I entered the academy, and we hadn't talked much lately. I might be able to get him to talk. I didn't like the idea, but I would try. I went from indignant and uncooperative to overly trusting in mere moments. I thank God they were really on my side, because I spilled my guts to them. The only thing I left out was detail around my mom's death. I still hated myself for not being able to stop it.

My face was throbbing by the time Erwin wrapped up that meeting, but I tried not to show it. I couldn't help running my tongue over and over the inside of my cheek where it had been forced against my upper teeth and the flesh had torn. I wondered if I'd get a bad bruise. I wondered if the other rookies would notice. My best friend and my adoptive sister were sure to notice. I hated that thought.

I didn't go back to my little desk in the bullpen when I left Erwin's office. Instead, I made a quick trip to the restroom to see if anything showed on my face, and to splash some cold water on it. It didn't show yet. I dried my hands on a paper towel and then patted my face dry. No one would know anything had happened.

I tried to walk casually back to my desk. As I sat heavily in my rolling chair, I noticed something. A new, unopened water bottle. Then I noticed two little blue pills beside it. Knowing I shouldn't take pills if I didn't know for sure what they were, I pulled up my web browser and typed the little letters and numbers and "medication" into the search engine. "Naproxen sodium," it told me. AKA: knock-off Aleve. I looked around and caught the eye of Marco, a fellow rookie.

"The captain left that there," Marco told me. "You ok?"

"Yeah, fine," I said with a small smile. My dreams of becoming the captain's favorite, which had flat-lined less than an hour earlier, suddenly showed vital signs again.

* * *

It was the only time he had ever seriously hurt me strictly for the sake of punishing me. That is, until recently.

I don't want to think about it right now, and think that I _shouldn't_ think about it right now. I'm starting to smell a warm, buttery smell, and I know breakfast will be ready soon. Levi's probably frying eggs or crepes or something. He's such a good cook, and I've definitely missed his cooking over the last week. I let myself enjoy the anticipation.

When I come down the stairs of our split-level apartment, he's carrying a frying pan to the dining area. "Just in time," he says, sliding an egg-infused slice of bread onto a plate. The plate across the table already has one on it. He's letting me have the one that hasn't started getting cold yet.

"Thank you," I say, getting into my place at the table. I wait for him to return the frying pan to the kitchen. As he passes me, he caresses my shoulder with one hand lightly—almost shyly, I think, like it started as an involuntary motion and then when he caught himself, he wasn't sure whether to pull back or not.

He sits across from me and he gives me a nod. _"Bon appetite,"_ he says.

I've missed his little French quips, too. I know that he's not really fluent, but he is of French descent and spent part of his childhood in New Orleans, so his accent is excellent.

I cut into my fried bread with knife and fork, carefully cutting around the hollow where the egg rests so I won't break the yolk. I always save it for last, scooping it up on my fork and sucking the middle out. Levi intimated that it was rude the first time I did it in his presence, but he never mentioned it again. He, of course, cuts his toast and egg together, sopping up the runny yolk with the bread. Somehow, his plate ends up just as clean as mine. It's a minor miracle. But then... so is he.

"What would you like to do today?" he asks. He's asked me this sort of thing before, but it sounds overly formal now. He's still being careful.

"I don't know," I confess sheepishly. "I don't want to just sit around, but I don't want to be too... busy, either."

He nods, and I think he understands what I mean. We need to talk. But we also need to give each other space. "We haven't ridden for a while," he says. "Maybe we could take a ride in the park?"

Our precinct has a mounted police division, and everyone in our division has been trained and paired with a horse. Several of us are assigned to each horse though, because we aren't all expected to have the time to care for a horse on our own, and we're definitely not all needed on horseback at once. My sister Mikasa got the best marks for horsemanship in my class at the academy, making me and my friend Armin look pretty pathetic by comparison. Since then, I've gotten a lot better at it though, and I enjoy it. Levi actually owns his horse and no one else rides it, though other people help take care of it when he's not around.

"That sounds good," I answer. Riding should occupy our attention enough that the silences won't be too awkward, but it's not a loud activity either. We can talk if we feel like it.

"Ok. I'll call ahead to make sure there's a horse for you."

I nod. This feels natural and helps me relax. He's taking charge, but not being pushy. It's what I need right now. "Thanks for breakfast. It was really good."

"You're welcome."

It took me a while to get him to stop saying I didn't have to thank him for stuff. "I want to thank you," I told him. "I want you to know I like what you're doing for me and it makes me happy." He finally accepted it, just as I learned to accept that Levi doesn't laugh; he shows his amusement in little pulls at the corner of his mouth, in the way his eyes open a little wider than usual, how his frown lines disappear momentarily. It worried me at first that he never laughed out loud, but then I got used to it. I see his almost-smile and my brain translates it into laughter.

I carry my dishes to the sink and then pull the dishwasher open. I feel a little embarrassed because I haven't been keeping up with the dishes very well. But he doesn't scold me; just starts helping me take out the clean things to put away. Once the dishwasher is empty, we put our breakfast dishes inside, along with some things I should have taken care of over the last couple of days. Then we close it up, planning to add more dishes later in the day and start it that night.

Levi calls the stable and soon gives me a nod that I know means there's a horse ready for me to take out. I head upstairs to find my riding boots. After I tug them on, I stay sitting on the floor a moment and take a couple of deep breaths. _One step at a time,_ I tell myself. _Everything will be all right._

* * *

 _So, here I leave you hanging. Sorry... I hope to post more soon._


	2. Going To Work

_I see I've got a couple of followers on this story already, so at least there's some interest._

 _Previous warnings apply._

* * *

Two: Going To Work

I'm glad to be working with my hands for the moment, raking up all the dirt and dead skin and loose hair from my horse's coat. A couple of stalls down, Levi is doing the same, though much more efficiently, I'm sure. Sometimes I groom his horse even when he's not needed... the gelding likes the attention, and it's soothing to me if I need to think about something serious. I came down here once last week when I was missing Levi and couldn't talk to him. His horse seems almost like a piece of him.

I try to hurry, but I'm just starting on my horse's hooves when I see Levi go by with his saddle. He's done grooming and starting to tack up. I'm working on the last hoof when I hear his voice at the stall door.

"Want me to tack him up for you?"

"That's OK," I say, a little embarrassed at how long I'm taking. I give the hoof a quick brush when I'm done picking it out and set it back in the sawdust on the floor. I look up and see he's brought my tack over. I take the saddle pad from him. "Thanks."

He brings the saddle into the stall behind me, and I take it from him to place on my horse's back, anxiously trying to line the pommel up correctly with its shoulder. Levi isn't about to criticize, but I want to do everything right. By the time I've tightened the girth, he's retrieved the bridle. I take it with another quiet "thanks" and slip the reins over the horse's head. It lowers its neck so I can slide the headstall up its face and the bit into its mouth. All the police horses are very well trained.

I catch Levi checking my girth, but I don't let it embarrass me too much. He's not just seeing if I did a good job _—_ he's making sure I'm safe. I love that he's concerned about me.

He goes back to his gelding's stall and leads him out. I follow close behind, knowing Levi's horse won't kick mine if it crowds a little. These aren't your average trail horses. They're what's known as "bomb-proof": they don't scare easily.

We ride along some back roads that we both know very well and reach the park within twenty minutes. We pick up the pace a little, but don't go faster than a slow canter. That's the park rule—no galloping. There are too many people walking around, and someone could get hurt. Of course, if we were chasing down a pick-pocket, it would be different, but we're off duty now.

I love the way Levi looks in the saddle. I've often thought he resembles a jockey, though I never say it out loud, because he might take it as a snipe at his height. He's only 5'3", but he's never let it hold him back. He keeps his stirrups kind of short, and when he's trotting, he posts so beautifully, it's like he and the horse are one animal. It took me forever to be able to post correctly, and I still don't enjoy it much, but I'll do it all day if I get to watch Levi doing the same ahead of me. And no, it's not just that his form looks good from all angles—I also like the way his hair lifts and falls in the breeze of his flight. He's got that precise military undercut that somehow suits him perfectly. He hasn't changed it in years, and I hope he never does.

It used to worry me, how particular he is about everything: the way he keeps his hair, the way he keeps his office, the way he keeps his apartment, the way he keeps his freaking uniform... but he wasn't as critical of me as I feared he would be. Me with my messy hair, my tendency to let chores pile up, my not-so-fresh breath after work... I have a sort of a weakness for cheeseburgers, and a lot of times that's what I'll pick up for lunch, often with a side of fries and a Mountain Dew. Levi calls that kind of food garbage, and since we've been together, he's usually packed me a lunch.

That's why I'm surprised when we're riding by a hotdog vendor and he says, "Want to stop for lunch?"

"Here?" I ask.

He nods.

"But you hate this stuff."

"I don't hate it... just what it does," he says, with the hint of a smirk.

I recall the time I got really ticked off at someone for making a prejudicial comment, and they responded with, "I don't hate them... just what they do." I'd decided if that were true, then I could live with it. Though I'm still not sure I consider myself gay. I don't think Levi does. He's just Levi. He is his own orientation. Or lack thereof. I gather he didn't have a very active love life before he met me. That makes me feel special.

Anyway, when he makes his comment, I know what he's referring to, and I smile a little in return. "I guess if you don't mind," I say.

"It won't kill me. Probably. This time."

Now it sounds like he's talking about smoking a cigarette, and I guess eating junk food isn't much better than that, but I can tell myself that it is. I'm good at tricking myself, and sometimes that gets me into trouble. If I let myself worry about certain things more, maybe I'd have seen our trouble coming.

 _It's not my fault..._ But I know I'm not totally innocent, either. There's a fine line between victim-blaming and realizing you could have done more to protect yourself. I can't let my guard down again. And I hate that.

* * *

I didn't like that Mikasa had decided to join SWAT. She claimed that with all the Kevlar and shielding they're trained to use, she was just as safe as I was on the job, if not safer. I didn't really believe her, but she could out-shoot me at the gun range, outrun me on the obstacle course, and... well, let's just say she was better than me at almost everything. The fact that she was the only girl on her SWAT team gave me no ground for that reason. Maybe she was the only girl, but she could still kick my butt, so where was my argument?

Armin got to work with me, and about the time Levi started trying to find where best to use me with the gangs, he realized Armin's potential for strategics. So, we both got pulled off traffic violations early. He was put on the fast track to profiling, and I was being trained for undercover work. It was exciting, and we didn't think about the danger much.

I won't relate all the little things; we spent months getting me into the trust of a gang called the Titans. Legend had it that the gang was run by a mysterious masked woman, and there were a lot of other rumors going around about them that I doubted were true. But when the time came for me to have an arranged meeting with this woman, things became very real very fast.

"Does it have to be you?" Armin asked as he, Mikasa and I were having dinner one evening.

The three of us had been living together since Armin's grandfather died. I claimed to be the leader of our posse, but I have to admit that Mikasa usually directed us in matters of importance.

"I'm the only one in the precinct they trust," I told him. "No one else can do it. This is what I've been working toward for the last six months!"

"I'm going to be there," Mikasa declared.

"You can't. If they see anyone around that looks like they might be a cop, they'll pull the plug. Levi's keeping backup far away and out of sight."

"If they're so far away, how are they any good?" she asked. "They shouldn't be sending you alone."

"I'll be wearing a wire."

"Won't they search you for something like that? What if they find it?"

"We want them to find it."

Mikasa stared at me. Armin started to comprehend first, with an appreciative little gasp.

"Oh, the captain's smart," Armin said.

I nodded. "He has it all planned out. Backup plans and everything. If we pull this off, we'll be taking out the head of the Titans—like cutting off the head of a snake. The gang will fall apart after that. We'll win. But if we screw it up, that's a lot of time and hard work down the drain. We can't risk other random people around for no good reason."

"I'm at least going to be waiting with the backup," said Mikasa.

"You'll have to talk to the captain about that."

"I will."

"I'll be there, too," Armin blurted out.

We both blinked at him. Then Mikasa said, "No, Armin."

"You're a good strategist," I say, trying to be tactful. "But this kind of thing is delicate. If anything happened, you wouldn't have time to make a new plan. A mission like this is for officers who are used to thinking fast in the field."

He sighs, clearly frustrated, but he doesn't argue.

We all remember only too well the one time we ran into a suspect we thought was unarmed, but who turned out to have a knife. Armin had correctly guessed the path he would choose through a maze of back alleys and managed to cut him off as another officer, Jean Kirstein, and I chased him from behind. He was proud of himself for popping out in front of the suspect, but then realized he hadn't planned anything beyond that.

I managed to tackle the suspect before he could hurt Armin, but I had scars on one arm and one leg from the incident. Armin said I had saved his life. He and Jean had had to carry me out to the road to meet the ambulance because I lost so much blood I couldn't walk. Mikasa had freaked out when she heard and raced to my hospital room. I was too weak to talk for a while, and she was scared to death that she was losing the last of her family—again.

In the aftermath, Armin decided to focus more on his profiling and avoid the more dangerous work, because he thought he was a hindrance to his colleagues. Mikasa had reacted by settling on SWAT as her calling. She wanted to go out and grab danger by the horns and shake it into submission. I guess if anyone could do that, it was her.

We didn't discuss it anymore together, but on the day of my meeting with the mysterious Titan leader, I saw Mikasa in the briefing room. Apparently, Levi had given her permission to join the operation.

There were lots of more experienced officers there, too. I met Petra Ral's eyes, and she gave me an encouraging smile. Hanji Zoe, our forensics specialist, was acting like it was Christmas. She couldn't wait for our mission to be completed so she would have more information to process.

I was starting to feel nervous. What if I couldn't do this when it came to the point? What if I cracked? What if they already knew I was a cop? I focused on Levi's steely eyes as he went over the plan again. Listened to his calm, confident voice. _It's going to work..._ It had to work.

* * *

Sitting on a park bench, munching a hotdog and watching the horses graze, it feels like this is working. Like we'll be back to normal again soon. But I know it's not that easy. I drop my left hand onto the bench and pull up one leg, resting the elbow of my right arm on my knee. I probably look like a little kid in that pose, but I don't care. Adulting sucks, and it's my day off.

I feel Levi rest his hand on mine a moment later, not looking at me. His touch is more tentative than I'm used to. I know he's ready to pull his hand back if I give any sign that I don't want it there.

But I do want it there... I want it to always be there. I stroke the side of his hand with my thumb, also not looking. This is all right. It's starting to feel good again. It's going to work. It has to.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading. I would appreciate some feedback if you can spare a moment.  
_


	3. Plan B

_Thanks for my first review, Gbett12. In case anyone else was wondering, the sections in past tense are flashbacks. I hoped the way I introduced them would be clear enough, but glancing over it again, I can see how it might be confusing._

* * *

Three: Plan B

She was tall, and it wasn't just her three-inch stilettos. She was wearing a long fur coat that was predominantly red with some white mixed throughout, kind of like a red merle border collie. She reminded me for a moment of Cruella DeVille. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a fancy but tight ponytail, and her eyes were covered by large sunglasses.

"So," she said in a crisp voice with an accent I couldn't place, "this is the good doctor's son."

"Pleased to meet you," I answered, coming a little closer. My heart rate was picking up. I hoped she couldn't see that I was nervous.

"That's far enough," she said, still calm. "I've been hearing a lot of stories about you. Like how you want to follow in your father's footsteps. And how you've had dealings with my rivals. And how you've been seen with plainclothes policemen."

"You can't believe everything you hear," I said.

"No." She took a phone from her pocket and touched the screen a few times. "Do pardon me," she said in an overly formal tone. By now I thought her accent was sort of British, but not quite. After another moment, she put her phone away in a pocket hidden by all the red and white fur. It didn't look like a dog to me anymore—more like muscles and sinew. "I've confirmed the story about the plainclothesmen," she said, tilting her head toward me. "So, did you know, or are you just stupid?"

"You can't be in our business without having to talk to a few policemen," I said, and I was proud of myself for remembering how Levi had rehearsed it with me. Proud that he could hear me right then, managing to sound confident.

"And what do you tell them?"

"Not a thing." But I looked at her too steadily to be sincere, and I tapped my ear.

I could see the skin above her sunglasses lift, and there was a short silence, but it seemed long to me. She clearly caught on quickly, because next she said, "We'll see. Check him over."

And then a couple of her goons were frisking me. It didn't take them long to find the little device, and I could tell they knew immediately that it was the real thing. One of them passed it to the woman. She held it up and studied it a moment, as if it were a diamond. Then she dropped it and stepped on it, grinding the ball of her foot on it in a motion like she was trying to get her foot deeper into her shoe.

She turned and the little mass of followers parted for her, revealing a sleek black vehicle. Someone opened the rear door. "Get in," she said.

I knew this was now plan B. We were hoping they wouldn't take me anywhere, that the meeting would all take place here, but I knew Levi was ready for this. That was why the bug hadn't been all; there was a tracking device in my shoe. They hadn't bothered frisking much further, after they found the wire.

 _He'll be right behind me with backup. Everything will be fine._ I walked forward and got into the car, sliding over to make room for her.

She smiled at me. "One moment," she said, getting out her phone again. She held it to her ear. "Yes, it's all right to kill them now," she said, as if she were telling her cook it was time to serve the main course. She ended the call and slipped the phone into her pocket again. "Shall we?" she asked, coming toward the car.

"We shall," I answered, smiling back at her. But inside, I was a mess. It was all right to kill _who_ now? Did this have anything to do with me? What was I supposed to do if it came to plan C? I couldn't remember.

I thought for one wild moment about pushing past her, making a break for it, but I knew I was surrounded by armed thugs, and I didn't have anything. Just my fellow officers hidden a few blocks away. I might not even have them. Had she known about them all the time?

I watched her get into the vehicle beside me and pull the door shut. I was trapped. I was allowing myself to be kidnapped. I was being swallowed by a monster, and soon I'd be in its stomach.

* * *

I force myself to eat the last of my hotdog and ball up the paper wrapper.

"Still hungry?" Levi asks, knowing my capacity for junk food.

I shake my head. "I'm good," I say. I don't want him to know that my appetite has depleted, that I've been feeling sick off and on all week, or that remembering my missteps as a rookie still mortifies me.

"Want to go anywhere else?"

"Nah. Let's head back."

"All right."

He holds out his hand, and for a moment I think he wants me to hold it, but fortunately I realize in time and hand him my wrapper. He takes it with his to a trash can and drops them in. Then he goes to pick up the horses' reins.

When I join him, a couple of kids are shyly approaching.

"Can we pet your horses?" A little girl asks.

I glance at Levi and smile involuntarily. I like kids, and I _love_ seeing Levi interact with kids.

He looks up for a moment, sighs really quietly—I see it more than hear it—and says, "All right. These are very well-trained horses, so they won't bite or anything. Just remember that any old horse you meet might not be so friendly."

The kids smile and giggle as they nervously reach toward the faces of the huge animals. Levi's gelding drops his head and eats up the attention, while my mount just stands there looking at the ground, as if he's annoyed that he can't go on grazing.

After a few minutes, an adult comes to collect the kids and leads them away. The girl who first spoke to us tries to reach up to said adult's face saying, "It smells like horse!"

I chuckle. "They were cute," I say, tightening up my horse's girth.

"Mhm," Levi hums, doing the same.

I don't think I've ever heard him call something cute, except with sarcasm. But occasionally I can get him to agree with me that something is cute without actually saying so himself.

I used to wonder if we'd ever adopt a kid together. That idea seems pretty far away right now... maybe impossible. My smile fades as I start thinking about things too much again. When I look back at Levi, he's eyeing me in a way that means he saw me brooding.

"Ready?" is all he says.

I nod and we mount up.

* * *

I didn't know what happened with the others until much later, but Levi wasn't worried when he lost the audio connection with me. Mikasa was, but she kept quiet, waiting for orders.

Levi watched the detailed GPS monitor that showed where I was. When the red dot that represented me started moving too fast for me to be on foot, he knew they had put me in a car.

"Get ready to relocate," he instructed his senior officers.

Just then, several things happened at once. The one exit on the basement level of the building where they had set up to monitor me burst open, as did the one at the top of the stairs. Windows shattered, and then the air was full of gunfire. Every officer in the place dove for cover.

Once he was behind something solid, Levi sent a text message. Then he drew his handgun and watched for a clear shot at an enemy.

"Captain," a dozen voices seemed to be saying at once. The nearest one belonged to Mike, a lieutenant. "They seem to be weakest by the stairs. Should we try to retreat that way?"

Levi shook his head and fired his gun. A thug hit the concrete floor.

"Sir, we're outnumbered five to one," Petra's voice joined in.

Through the growing haze of gun smoke, Levi saw Mikasa whip out from behind a support beam to shoot an assailant in the face. He thought, _That girl has nerves of steel... and maybe anger management issues._

The voices of his subordinates kept assailing him through the gunfire, but Levi all but ignored them. He knew there were casualties on both sides—heavy casualties. How long had it been? Two minutes? Four?

Then there was a new noise, like hard rainfall on a tin roof. As the shots inside died down, Levi could tell that there was gunfire outside, too. "Now!" He shouted, and everyone who could still stand followed him to the exit, which wasn't nearly as thick with enemies now.

It was true that Levi hadn't thought the Titans would know I had backup waiting nearby, but he _had_ planned for it. He had a second backup detail waiting even further out, and his text had alerted them that they were needed. The Titans hadn't known about that one—he and Erwin had kept it a secret from the first group, in case there was an informer.

"Good thing you didn't try to come out the upper way," Erwin told him when all the shooting was over. "They had a machine gun mounted in a building across the street."

"So, there is an informer," Levi concluded.

"Looks like it."

"How many did we lose?"

"Two dead... they lost a lot. Mike and Petra are on their way to the ER..."

Levi looked past Erwin suddenly and saw Mikasa heading determinedly for a police motorcycle. He ran after her. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked, when he was close enough not to shout.

"The GPS monitor was damaged. It's dead. I'm going to find Eren," she said.

"We'll get another monitor. His tracker's still putting out a signal."

"He could be dead by then. They knew he was wearing a wire, and they knew where the backup would be located, so they probably know he's not really on their side, too." She was starting the bike, and looked completely ready to mow him down if he tried to stop her.

"Hold it," he said in a commanding tone, loud enough to make her pause. He grabbed the helmet hanging on her handlebars and shoved it against her chest. "Put this on."

* * *

Levi is quicker at untacking his horse, too. He's finished with the post-ride grooming routine and puts my tack away while I finish up. He comes back and leans on the stall's half door.

"It was a good ride," he said.

"Yeah. Good day for it," I answer. Then I force myself to be a little braver. "I had a good time."

"Me, too. It was good to hear you laugh."

I smile a little. Levi doesn't like laughing, but he likes my laugh.

I give my horse a pat and drop the brush I've been using into a bucket. We make sure everything is put away and then walk toward the stable door.

I look at Levi's hand a moment and then decide to grab it. He glances at me and then looks forward again. I feel his fingers tighten around my hand.

"I have an idea," I say. "Let's rent some movies to watch after dinner." It's something we've done a few times, and it will allow us to be close without having to talk about serious stuff.

He nods. "We can do that. Have anything in mind?"

"Let's get a happy one and a sad one. Or an action one and a drama. Or a scary one and a funny one." I hope it's not conspicuous that "a romantic one" isn't anywhere in my lineup.

"You can pick the funny one if I can pick the scary one," he offers.

"Deal." I don't particularly like creepy movies, but they're much less creepy with Levi. For one thing, Levi's the scariest thing in the room, so whatever's in the movie wouldn't dare hurt you. Second, the whole time you're watching, Levi's saying things like, "Well, that was fake." He doesn't so much as flinch at the jump-scares, and he refuses to get creeped out by anything that isn't scientifically supported. For some people, he would totally ruin the experience, but he makes it much better for me.

We go to one of the few actual video rental stores left in our part of the country and split up to browse titles. When we meet at the front counter a while later, he's holding _The Woman In Black_ and I'm holding _Lego Batman._

"Nice," I say. "I haven't seen that yet."

"And we haven't seen that," he observes, pointing at my choice.

"Nope, and I've been wanting to."

I get out my wallet, but Levi gently pushes my hand away. "You paid for lunch," I protest, and I'm struck by how normal this is: fighting over who's paying.

"Well, I'll be making dinner from whatever groceries you've put in the fridge, so we're even."

I shake my head, but I decide not to argue. I don't want to argue with him ever again.

We take our selections home, and then gravitate to our laptops. It's too early to have dinner yet, and apparently neither of us can think of anything to fill the time. I suspect Levi's doing something for work on his computer, even though Erwin told us both very firmly to take this weekend completely off. I won't tell on him, though, because I'm not ready to talk and I'm glad he has the distraction.

I see that Armin's online, and I send him a hello.

 _How's it going?_ he asks.

 _Pretty good,_ I reply.

He just sends a question mark, and I know he wants details.

 _He made me breakfast and then we went riding._

 _Have you been talking?_

 _Did a little last night. Not really today._

 _Sleeping arrangements?_

If it were anyone but Armin, I'd have told him to mind his own business. _Together,_ I tell him. _Not very intimate though._

 _What's he doing now?_

 _Same as me lol on his comp._

 _Don't get lost in your devices. You need to talk._

 _We will. We have tomorrow, too._

 _Don't wait too long._

 _I know._ I add a grimacing emoticon.

 _We're pulling for you._

 _Thanks. Give my love to Mikasa when you see her._

A thumbs-up from him.

I open up my computer's game file and start playing solitaire. I want to seem busy so Levi won't feel the need to talk. But I feel guilty about that. Earlier I was tricking myself into stuff, now I'm trying to trick Levi. Am I just a delusional and dishonest person? I accidentally let out a sigh.

"What's up?" Levi asks. He's not looking at me.

"Oh... nothing," I say, and feel worse than ever.

Barely loud enough for me to hear, Levi mutters, "Me, too."

* * *

 _Thanks for reading. I hope you can spare a moment to comment.  
_


	4. Safe

_Thanks for reading what I've posted so far. We're picking up where the flashback left off last time. Sorry/not sorry about the cliffhanger. :p_

 _Update:_ _ _It concerns me that my story stats say people have read this chapter, but not chapter three. It's like people are skipping that chapter for some reason. Maybe they're not realizing there are two new chapters since they last looked or something. Folks, read chapter three!__

* * *

Four: Safe

Once she knew he wasn't going to stop her, Mikasa was content to let Levi call the shots. Dispatch tried to talk them down, so they switched their helmets' radio frequencies and kept going. Levi led her to the highway where he had last seen my dot on the GPS monitor, headed north.

After a couple of minutes, a new voice reached them over the radio: Armin.

"I'm not going to try to talk you out of it," he reassured them. "I just wanted to say, I picked up Eren's signal on my computer at headquarters. They're still on the highway."

"How far ahead?" Levi asked.

"About a mile. They're only going a couple miles per hour over the limit—not enough to catch the attention of highway patrol."

Mikasa revved her bike forward, but she was still behind Levi. They were thinking alike.

"I'm guessing you're looking for a four-door vehicle," Armin went on, "with tinted windows and a local plate. Something fairly new and a dark color."

The description did narrow things down. They were about half a mile behind my signal, starting to actually look for the vehicle in the distance when Armin said, "It's stopped moving."

"Stopped?" Mikasa asked.

"Yeah, you'll be on top of it in a few seconds."

"There's no exit for three more miles," Levi said. He knew this highway well from many patrols.

Mikasa scanned the side of the road, but she couldn't see any parked vehicles.

Levi's next words chilled her, and she realized she had been trying not to think of the most obvious explanation. "They found the tracker and threw it out the window."

They were surging forward again, and Levi switched on his motorcycle's flashing lights and siren. She did the same. They had to find me before the vehicle reached the next exit. Otherwise they would have to split up, halving their chances of overpowering my kidnappers, and from there the branching roads would offer endless possibilities. They would most likely lose me, maybe forever. The fact that they had found the tracker meant I had little chance left of convincing them I wasn't cooperating with the police—otherwise I would have told them about it as soon as the bugging device was destroyed. Plan C was to tell them I didn't know the tracker was on my person, a story they probably wouldn't buy.

* * *

At first, I wanted to watch the scary movie first, so I wouldn't have that on my mind right before bed, but Levi reasoned that watching the Lego movie first would probably put me in such a hilarious mood that the other wouldn't seem so bad. I put in the DVD while he starts making dinner.

"Do you want to watch the previews?" I call to him.

"No thanks," he answers.

I sit on the couch and watch the ads for various games and upcoming movies by myself. Then I watch the menu and wonder what Levi's throwing together until he wanders out to join me.

"It'll be ready soon," he says, putting cups on coasters on the coffee table. "You want Mountain Dew?"

I nod, smiling at him. Soon he's back, pouring my favorite soda into my cup and fruit juice into his. "What's for dinner? It smells good."

"We're having 'Whatever Ramen' tonight," he reports.

"Oh, good. What flavor?"

"I'll let you guess what's in it when you try it."

Levi is really good at throwing random leftovers together and making something surprisingly good out of it. When he brings the bowls out, I gather a large bite and blow on it. "Obviously ramen noodles," I say. "And I see peas and carrots." I take a bite. "Mm. You used the flavoring that came with it—beef, right?"

He nods.

"And some sort of soup... oh, that leftover cream of potato soup. And there's a chopped up hotdog. Do I taste garlic?"

"Just a little."

"Did I miss anything?"

"You had some leftover chopped onions, so I threw those in. And a little salt."

"Nice. Well, I like it a lot."

"Good."

We settle in and start the movie. Soon I'm laughing so much, I have to be extra careful not to spill my supper, or spit it out when something surprises me. It's the funniest movie I've watched for a long time, and laughing feels good. Even Levi is almost grinning some of the time, and I catch some breathy, voiceless laughs when something in particular strikes his sense of humor just right.

I don't bring up the fact that he's almost really laughing. I've learned that drawing attention to a smile of Levi's is the quickest way to kill it. When I finish eating, I set my dishes aside on the coffee table and pull my feet up onto the couch, leaning against Levi a little bit. It feels really good. Safe.

* * *

My captor made it clear that she didn't believe for one moment that I didn't know the homing device had been in my shoe, but I insisted my innocence pretty convincingly, and she didn't seem ready to kill me just yet.

"You may be useful anyway," she said, and through my fear I was starting to get the sense that I'd seen her somewhere before that day, though I had no idea where. "It's a shame Doctor Jaeger moved his practice out of town, but if he knows you're with us, he may be willing to commute."

I felt uneasy at that, but I sincerely hoped that Levi and the others would find me before my dad got dragged back into this mess... if they were still alive.

I didn't have long to wait. It was minutes at most between the discovery of the tracker and the sound of sirens. I looked out the back and saw two police motorcycles headed our way.

"Keep driving casually," was the instruction.

I was hopeful until I realized that there were other vehicles of hers all around us, ones that were ready to distract or block the motorcycles from reaching us. They couldn't tell I was in this one because the windows were tinted. I sighed and sank down in my seat. I couldn't do anything, and I didn't want to watch. Didn't want my captor to see how anxious I was.

"Are there only two of them?" she asked, sounding curious and unconcerned.

"Looks like it," her driver answered.

"The others should be able to keep them busy. Take the next exit."

"Yes, ma'am."

I didn't look back. A minute later, I couldn't hear the sirens anymore. The driver was signalling to leave the highway. The police probably had no clue where I was, and soon there would be no chance of their finding me.

 _I'm going to die,_ I thought suddenly. _Probably not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon. They'll eventually decide I'm not useful and kill me. They'll probably never find my body. Armin and Mikasa won't be able to bury me. I'll never be able to tell the captain that I'm sorry I botched the mission. That I know it's not his fault. And my dad..._ I had to abruptly stop myself, or I was going to tear up. Then she would know I'd been putting on an act the whole time.

* * *

"These people are blocking us on purpose," Levi told Mikasa. "That means we're close."

She looked frantically at the vehicles beyond the ones blocking her and spotted a shiny, new-looking, black four-door pickup truck with tinted windows. A Nissan Titan. It was just so ridiculous, it had to be the one. "The pickup," she said.

"Either you're right, or they're out of sight," he answered. "Let's hope that's them."

"They're signalling to get off."

"I'll follow at a distance. You go park on the bridge and tell me which way they're going."

Mikasa didn't argue. She went with the flow of traffic until she got to the bridge and then pulled into the breakdown lane. She took off her helmet and looked around. Below her, she could see the truck making a right turn. "They made a right off the exit," she said.

Levi turned off the highway and made his way slowly down the exit ramp.

"They're signalling left now," she said, starting to fear that Levi was too far behind. True, he didn't want to be seen, but if she lost sight of them, that would be it. They'd have to start searching for the truck from scratch. "No, wait—they're pulling into a gas station."

"I see it," Levi said, now on the road below.

"They're pulling around the back."

"OK. Keep watch until I'm at the station, then come down and join me."

Mikasa waited, her heart pounding. The black pickup didn't reappear. There was nowhere they could go without her seeing from that vantage point, as long as her gaze didn't waver.

"All right, I've got eyes on the building. Come down."

She returned to her motorcycle and spun it around with superhuman force before riding it up the breakdown lane against the flow of traffic. She dove left down the exit ramp and wove between cars to reach the road, barely glancing for an opening before making her right turn. When she reached the gas station, she cut her engine and coasted to a stop beside Levi.

"If we take time to clear the area or wait for backup, we'll lose them," Levi said. "We probably won't be able to capture the hostiles."

"But we can get Eren out."

"You have a full clip?"

She nodded. "And this," she said, pulling out her truncheon.

Levi pulled a knife from the sheath on his belt. "I'm going to try to get their tires if I can. You focus on getting Eren out of the vehicle, but stay out of sight as long as possible."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Inside the Titan, I was listening to the conversation and trying not to show my despair at the cops' losing my trail.

"Mack says one of 'em stopped on the bridge and the other was somewhere further back when they lost sight of them," the driver said, phone pressed to his face. "Want 'em to circle back around?"

"Just one vehicle," she answered. "I want to know what they decide to do."

I wanted to know, too, but I tried to look more impatient than worried. I kept my gaze out the front, staring at a dumpster at the edge of the lot.

"This must be stressful for you. Let me help," the woman said.

Next thing I knew, she was putting something over my face, and I breathed in a little before I realized that was a mistake. I instantly felt woozy, like I was going to pass out. At the same time, I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye... like a person ducking behind the dumpster. A kid or a small adult. The driver hadn't seen. He was turned sideways in his seat, the better to talk to his boss. I held my breath, trying to hang onto consciousness. Then I saw it again: a person coming out from behind the dumpster and rolling forward until they were out of sight in front of the truck's hood. I hardly dared believe it, but it looked like Levi.

There was a strange sort of loud tearing noise and the truck tilted to the left. The driver just had time to curse in confusion before we heard the sound again, and now the truck was tilting forward.

"Drive!" she exclaimed, no longer sounding calm. Her weird accent was gone, too. She had dropped the cloth she'd covered my face with, and I took in clean air, still very out of it.

Something hit her window then, as the driver put the truck in gear. I looked over and saw Mikasa, whacking at the window with a truncheon with all her strength, which is saying something.

The truck lurched forward a couple of feet before the sound came a third time, and it finally dawned on me that it had been the sound of something tearing into the tires one by one. I knew a car could drive with flat tires, but not very far or fast without all the rubber tearing away and leaving the vehicle on the rims.

The driver was cursing up a storm now, and I saw him reach into his jacket. He drew out a gun and cocked it.

I had revived a bit and I was done pretending. I went to grab the driver's arm, but to my surprise, the woman grappled me, getting me in a really good headlock.

The driver was aiming at Mikasa. His finger was on the trigger.

"Gun!" I said in a half-strangled scream, but I didn't think she would hear me or comprehend in time.

Then the same tearing sound accompanied the truck's back left corner sinking down, and the driver's wrist wavered up and down. He had already committed to pulling the trigger, and the gun went off as his hand bobbed down. The bullet tore through the glass of the rear window, leaving a fairly round hole and a web of cracks. It had gone low, under Mikasa's upraised arm. She brought it down, and the weakened glass shattered.

The woman was climbing over me, shoving the opposite door open. She didn't worry about trying to take me with her—just flew across the tarmac like a gazelle and into a waiting car. I hadn't noticed it pull up there... I'd assumed any other vehicles around were just there by chance.

The driver was shoving his door open roughly, clambering out—I heard an exclamation of pain that sounded like Levi, though I'd never heard anything like that from him before. I heard Mikasa shouting, telling the man to stop; then I heard a couple of shots.

"Let them go; they won't get far," said Levi. "Let's get Eren out of here."

Mikasa ran back to the truck where I was shakily getting out the door the woman had left open, brushing little glass particles off my jacket. She grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward the convenience store where a few people were peeking out the windows.

"Should we make sure they're OK?" Mikasa asked.

"It looks like they are," Levi answered. "If anyone's hurt, there are plenty that aren't to call an ambulance."

I noticed he was limping and went to start his motorcycle for him. A nearby squeal of tires made us all start, and we had the same thought: to get out of here as quickly as possible.

I managed to get the bike started, and Mikasa had no trouble with hers.

"Get on," Levi told me.

I did, and next thing I knew, he was behind me with his arms around me.

"Drive."

I should probably have mentioned that I'd been drugged, and Levi with his bum leg was better than me with my impaired judgment, but said impaired judgment was exactly what kept me from thinking of it. Fortunately, I wasn't too far gone, and by following Mikasa, I managed to do all right. We didn't stop until we were back at headquarters.

Armin met us as we were going inside. He ran up and hugged me, something he hadn't done for quite a while. "Thank God you're safe," he said, squeezing me tight.

I hugged him back, relief making me shaky again. He helped me into a chair and someone gave me a glass of water; people were asking me questions and saying how glad they were that I was all right.

I looked through the crowded room and saw Levi discreetly making his way to his office. I felt guilty when I saw that he was still limping. He had risked his life for me. I had always known Mikasa would do that, but I never expected it from him.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading. Hope you'll leave a comment if you can spare a moment. We'll have more in the present next time.  
_


	5. Mind Games

_Again, thanks for reading. This chapter's a little longer and two-thirds flashback, but I hope you'll bear with me. In case I want to know later, I'm posting this chapter on October 4th, 2017.  
_

 _Note: I changed character name Jan (probably Dutch) to Yan (Japanese) because I felt like it. lol It served my purposes better._

* * *

Five: Mind Games

We have a little intermission between movies and after using the bathroom I rummage in the cupboard and find some cookies. Levi doesn't have the infinite sweet tooth that I do, but he'll indulge now and then. I take the cookies back to the living room with some milk for each of us and he soon rejoins me.

We start the second movie, which seems very somber in contrast to the one we just watched. It makes the serious stuff seem funny, even though it's not supposed to be.

When I see the main character's little boy I can't help saying, "Aw, he's so cute!"

Levi smiles slightly, probably just laughing to himself at me, but for a moment I again wonder if we'll ever have a child. I decide that though we're nowhere near ready for something like that, I'm not ready to stop hoping for it. Assuming we get through this all right, Levi will make a great dad, I'm certain.

Gradually the hilarity of the Lego movie wears off as I begin to take a genuine interest in the story of this movie, but it's still hard to feel scared. Looks like Levi was right about watching the silly one first. Still, halfway through I am too wrapped up in the creepy sights and noises to keep eating the cookies that are sitting just out of reach on the coffee table. I'm leaning back with my feet up and slouching against Levi more and more.

It's not until the end of the movie that it finally really upsets me. "Oh, no, no," I murmur, latching onto Levi's arm and half hiding my face in his shoulder. "Stop him."

I know Levi's laughing at me on the inside, but he puts his hand on my leg in a comforting way.

I hold my breath, waiting for the big reveal, and then I totally go and guess the ending right before it happens. I start laughing and then realize it's turned into crying somehow. I try to stifle it, hoping Levi hasn't noticed. I've had such a weird lineup of extreme emotions today that I guess I can't handle it anymore.

The movie ends and I relax again. Levi turns the volume down and leaves the credits running. Then he puts his arm around me.

"You all right?" he asks.

"Mhm." I'm still pretty much plastered to him.

"You sure?"

I nod.

He's quiet a little while before asking, "Want to get ready for bed now?"

"Mhm."

I get up when he does, hover until he's put the DVD in its case, follow him upstairs. I brush my teeth at the same time he does, though I know he doesn't like me crowding him at the sink. He doesn't say anything about it this time.

I'm waiting for him to head out of the room again when he says, "I'm not done in here..."

"Oh, OK." I feel myself getting warm from embarrassment.

I duck out and go to the bedroom, where I gingerly change into pajamas, looking over my shoulder now and then. Yeah, the movie got to me. I remember a moment from the Lego movie and it makes me smile, but I still feel like something's watching me.

I'm relieved when Levi comes in. He's changed back into the PJ pants he had on last night, which I guess he left in the bathroom this morning.

"Want me to get the light?"

I get into bed and move over for him. "OK, ready," I say.

He turns out the light and comes to bed.

"How'd you like the Lego movie?" I ask.

"It was funny."

"I loved the part about seat belts."

"Mhm. What did you think of the other one?"

"It was really good. Creepy as heck, but good."

"Mm."

I wiggle a little closer to him and lean my face against his shoulder. "I had fun today," I say quietly.

"I'm glad."

"Did you?"

He pauses, and I know it's not because he's thinking of a way to give a negative response without hurting my feelings. He's taking a moment because his concept of fun is different from most people's, and he wants to make sure that's the right word for what he experienced today. "Yeah," he says at last.

I smile and squeeze his hand. We're quiet a minute. Then I say, "I love you." It's harder to say than it used to be, but I figure the quickest way to fix that is to get used to saying it often again.

He reaches over with his free hand and pets my hair. "I love you, too." It's always been hard for him. He's not one to state his feelings in words much, but he started doing it because he knew it meant a lot to me. "And I'm sorry," he adds in a whisper.

I swallow hard. "I know," I whisper back, squeezing his hand again. I'm scared to say anything else, and I guess maybe he is, too. Finally, I turn on my side and put an arm around him. "Good night, Levi."

"Good night."

* * *

Levi has always been rather stoic. He didn't say a word about his hurt leg. I had to learn from Mikasa that the Titan woman's driver had knocked Levi off balance with the truck door and then kicked him hard in the leg, almost dislocating his knee. I felt terrible about it and finally brought it up.

"You got hurt because of me," I said.

"I got hurt because I underestimated them," he replied. "It's not your fault."

"Why did you come after me with Mikasa? Why not make her wait until you could track the signal again and go when everyone else did?"

"Because she was right: it might have been too late." He quirked an eyebrow. "Anything else?"

I wanted to ask something about that motorcycle ride we had together, because now that the shock was going away, I realized I really liked how it felt, and I wasn't sure what that meant. But I didn't say anything about it. Instead, I went over things about the Titan woman with him.

"I think her accent was fake," I say. "When she freaked out, it seemed to go away."

"Maybe she disguised her voice because she thought you might recognize it," he suggested.

"Maybe."

"Was there anything familiar about her?"

"Sort of, but I'm not sure what. She was blonde, fit... stronger than she looked. Right before Mikasa broke the window, she had me in a headlock. It reminded me of the wrestling we did in the academy. Annie had a move like that."

"Annie?"

"Leonhart. She ended up going into private security after graduation."

Levi picked up his desk phone. "It's Levi," he said. "Pull the file on an academy grad named Annie Leonhart."

"I... I'm sure it can't be her," I stammered.

He replaced the phone. "I'm going to give her file to Arlert and see if he agrees with you."

I felt weird about that. If Annie were innocent as I thought, this would be an unfair nuisance for her. "O-OK."

He read me easily. "A good hunch is better than a bad lead," he told me.

"I guess so."

"You did well to keep your cool, by the way."

I was surprised at the praise. "Thank you, sir."

"And I'm glad your sister persuaded me to go after you. You're going to make a good cop. We don't want to lose you."

* * *

It didn't take long for Armin to reach the conclusion that Annie was indeed the woman I had met that day. I could hardly believe it. (Mikasa made a remark about how when a girl changes her hair, a guy can't recognize her. I resented it, but couldn't say it wasn't true.) Levi and Erwin wanted me to help them set a trap for someone I thought of as a friend. It was going to suck.

"She's not going to believe anything I say," I told Erwin and Levi a couple of weeks after the highway chase. "She'll smell a rat the moment I open my mouth." I hesitated, worried that the two of them would turn up the pressure on me and persuade me to do something that was a really bad idea. "I don't think I should be the one to set her up."

Mike and Petra were out of the hospital and back at work, though confined to desk jobs until they finished healing. The funerals for the officers we had lost were still fresh in my mind. The more I thought about trying undercover work again, the more it made me sick.

"Are you sure it's not your personal feelings saying that?" Erwin asked. "You were friends, weren't you?"

I flushed a little. "No, sir. I mean, that doesn't help matters, but I just plain don't think it will work."

Levi had been leaning on Erwin's desk, idly messing with his phone for the last few minutes. He looked up. "You hungry?" he asked me.

I blinked and looked around until I spotted the clock on the wall of Erwin's office. It was almost twelve-thirty. "Um... yeah..."

He pushed off the desk and put his phone in his pocket. "Let's get something to eat. We can pick this up later."

I glanced at Erwin, wondering if he'd be annoyed at the interruption. The commissioner was eyeing Levi like he was a little suspicious, but not disapproving.

"All right, let me know when you get back," Erwin said.

"We'll come straight here," Levi answered.

Still kind of disoriented, I followed Levi out of the office and then paused in the hall, wondering if I wanted to eat the sandwich I'd brought to the station or go to one of my favorite fast food places.

Levi halted a few yards ahead of me. "Are you coming or what?" he asked.

I realized that Levi had intended for me to go with him. Me, having lunch with the captain. We had been a lot less formal since our near-death experience—trauma will do that—but hanging out with the rookies was something Levi didn't do. He rarely did much hanging out even with the ranked officers. "Y-yeah," I stammered and hurried after him.

I followed him to the parking garage where his silver MGB roadster was parked in its reserved spot. This car was legendary in our precinct, and it didn't cross my mind that Levi would let me ride in it. I assumed he would want me to follow him in my car. But then he went to the passenger door and opened it. "Get in," he said.

"Really?" I asked stupidly.

"Do I look confused?" he asked, making me blush.

"No, sir." I carefully slid into the seat, afraid to touch anything. "I just..." I trailed off.

He closed the door for me and went around to the other side. I thought at first that he opened and closed my door because he didn't trust me not to damage the car. Later I thought that it was a bit like putting a prisoner in a squad car, but _much_ later realized it was more like being chivalrous for a date. But neither of us was thinking in that direction at the time.

He drove us downtown to a little family-owned Japanese restaurant. "You like sushi?" he asked me.

It had been a while since I'd had a treat like this, mainly because I was on a budget, but I decided that lunching with the captain was a special enough occasion to splurge. "Yeah," I answered. I opened my door gingerly as he got out and came around the car. When I was out, he closed my door again and locked the car.

I followed him inside, and a young Japanese man started to lead us to a table. He was interrupted by an older Japanese man.

"No, no," the older man said. "This is Captain Levi." He pointed at a table by the window. "You clear that table for him. Best table."

Levi gave what was the closest thing to a real smile I had ever seen on his face before. "You don't have to do that, Nao," he said.

Nao wouldn't listen. "You sit here, place of honor," he insisted.

Levi bowed his head in polite resignation and to my surprise, said about eight syllables in Japanese. It seemed to make Nao very happy, and he went away grinning.

Soon we were seated with our menus.

"What did you say to him?" I asked.

"Thank you."

I huffed. "It sounded like a longer sentence to me."

"I was using the formal mode. My rank may give me status, but his age gives him more."

I was amazed at Levi's knowledge of the culture. He was the furthest thing from a people-person that I had ever observed. "Are you fluent?" I asked.

"Tch. Hell, no."

That made me smile. I looked over the menu options. "How did you... learn what you do know?"

"His son ran with me... a long time ago. I picked up a little."

 _Ran with?_ _What does that mean?_ I wondered. Did they go jogging? Maybe track in high school? Or did he just mean they used to hang out? Any of those possibilities was weird to think about. But Levi didn't seem eager to go into detail, so I went a different direction. "Was that other guy his son?"

"No. Yan moved away. He doesn't get back here very often."

A young woman came to take our order. I stuck to basic sushi rolls that I knew I liked, but Levi ordered sashimi with his.

"Do you use chopsticks?" he asked me.

"Yeah," I answered. I wasn't an expert, but I was confident that I wouldn't drop food in my lap.

He nodded, and I thought I saw a flicker of relief, as if he might have been ashamed of me had I needed to ask for a fork.

After we got our food, Levi somehow turned the conversation back to Annie, and I respectfully renewed my protests.

"She won't buy it," I said earnestly.

"She really doesn't have to," he said. "She just has to believe that we believe she's buying it."

I grimaced. "I don't know... I'm not great at these mind games. If I can't be convincing, it'll fall apart."

"We'll prepare you. We'll go over it a dozen different ways hundreds of times if we have to. We need proof on her, Eren."

He hadn't often used my first name, and the way he said it then made me really, _really_ want to earn his approval. "Would you... If we get to the place where you think we're ready and I still don't think I can do it, would you let me pull out?" I guessed I sounded a little pathetic, but I was really unhappy with the situation.

He considered a while, then nodded slowly. "I don't want you going in without any confidence," he said. "We won't send you if you're not ready."

That still sounded to me like he wasn't going to take no for an answer, but it was probably the best compromise I could hope for. "OK," I said, thinking _What the heck am I getting into now?_

Levi gave his credit card to the server, not listening to my protests that I could pay for my part of the meal.

"At least let me pay the tip," I said, putting a few dollars on the table before he could stop me.

He wore a small smirk. "If you feel you must," he said, and he looked like he knew some secret that I didn't.

"They... do expect a tip, right?"

"They've gotten accustomed to it here, yes, though that's not normal in Japan."

"Oh."

Soon the server returned and bowed, handing Levi his card back. "Lady say tell you, 'My son walk because of you. You no pay here,'" she recited.

Levi bowed his head to her and gave the card back again. "Tell Koto, 'You honor me. But I must pay my bill.'"

She bowed again and walked away.

I gaped.

"Sorry," Levi said. "Maybe I shouldn't have brought you here. We go through this every time..."

"What... what did she mean, her son walked...?" I thought about the various connotations of the word. Did Levi get Yan off a murder charge? Did he save him from an accident that would have left him lame?

"It's a long story," he said, clearly not wanting to explain.

In a minute, the girl was back. "Nao say, 'The captain is most gracious, but we cannot accept.'"

Levi took his card back and bowed once more. "Tell Nao, 'Good friends are much better than money.' I'll accept his generosity this time, but next time I must pay for my meal."

"Yes, sir." She bowed to him and gave me a friendly nod before disappearing again.

"This happens every time?" I asked.

"Yeah... I keep hoping next time... I come here to help support their business, and instead they insist on feeding me for free. I think I'm doing them more harm than good."

"Well, I'll tell my friends about this place. The food's really good, and the people are nice."

Levi got up. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention..."

"I won't," I said quickly. I was happy to keep a secret of Levi's that wasn't work-related for a change.

When we got back to his car, I wasn't too scared to open the door for myself this time, but he beat me to it somehow, without even looking like he was hurrying.

"Thanks," I said. "And thanks for lunch." It was starting to dawn on me that Levi had brought me there just to get me to relax and agree to the plan to trap Annie, but I didn't let it ruffle me.

"You're welcome," he said.

Years later, I'm still letting him manipulate me like that. I don't mind because ninety-nine percent of the time, it's for my own good. The other one percent, it's usually for someone else's good. He is a few years older than I am, and I trust his benefit of experience. I trust him. Almost completely.

* * *

 _Thanks for hanging in there for a longer chapter. I hope it's all making sense jumping back and forth in time, and I hope I'm keeping my tenses straight! lol Now and then I lapse into present tense in the middle of a flashback and have to go back and fix it. Please let me know if you see any major errors.  
_


	6. All Right Again

_Thanks for sticking with me. I'm still seeing that more people have read 4 than those who have read 3. That's weird. Skipping chapters is bound to be confusing. Don't do it. Don't let your friends do it. :p_

* * *

Six: All Right Again

When I wake up Sunday morning, Levi has already gone downstairs. He let me sleep in. My unease from The Woman In Black is gone with the daylight. I stretch and roll a little in the sheets, missing Levi's solid presence. I can hear him in the kitchen; an enticing smell is starting to waft throughout the apartment. I almost stay in my pajamas, but then I change my mind and put on jeans and a Star Wars T-shirt. I make a trip to the bathroom and then go downstairs. The dishwasher is running—he must have loaded up our supper dishes from last night.

"Omelets today," Levi says in greeting.

"Nice. With cheese?"

"Yeah."

I sit at the table where there's already a cheesy mass of egg waiting for me. He's separated the yolks out to whip the omelets and then put them back in after. He knows how much I like my yolks runny. "This looks awesome."

"You want the hot one?" he asks, bringing the frying pan to the table.

I shake my head. "This is fine." I start eating, savoring the salty cheese flavor. "It's really good."

"I'm glad you like it. Want tea?"

"OK." I never used to be a tea drinker, but Levi drinks it a lot, and I discovered that with enough milk and sugar, it's a treat.

Though I know he disapproves of how sweet I make my tea, he fixes it how I like it.

"It's really nice of you to go to all this trouble for me," I say.

"It's no trouble."

"I'll make dinner tonight, OK?"

"All right."

We eat in silence for a few minutes. Then I ask, "What should we do today?"

"Talk, probably," he says.

I look down. "Yeah," I say, my heart not in it. Or too much in it.

"We won't do ourselves any favors by pretending."

"I know." I slide my hand over the table and take his, not looking at him. "It's going to be weird for a while, but we're going to be OK."

He doesn't answer, and I'm worried he doesn't agree.

"Levi," I say, forcing myself to look at him.

He looks back at me, his expression harder to read than usual.

"I don't love you any less, you know," I say, just managing to keep my voice steady.

He looks down. "Why not?"

I get out of my chair and put an arm around his shoulders. "Because... I'd love you if you couldn't put up with my disorganization, or if you couldn't be romantic, or even if we weren't lovers, just friends. Those things are nice—great—but that's not what I love. I love _you."_

He's gone kind of rigid, and I know he's a war of emotions inside. I try to be patient, having learned long ago that filling a Levi-silence with a lot of babble makes it only more awkward.

"I don't deserve that," he says finally.

I kiss his temple and give him a squeeze. "No one's perfect. If relationships were based on what we deserve... I think love would die out completely. And so would forgiveness." His skin is feeling warm to me now. Levi is known for being cocky and shameless, but I've seen shame in him a lot since this happened. "I have forgiven you," I add, sure of it now for the first time, myself. "So... you can start trying to forgive yourself now, OK?"

He turns toward me and pulls me against his chest. He can't talk and I wonder if he's crying. The first time I saw Levi cry, I had no clue what to do. It hadn't occurred to me that he _could_ before that. But now I know the best thing is to just hold on and wait for him to compose himself.

I rub the sheared hair at the back of his head slowly and nuzzle into the longer mass on top. I can feel that he's breathing hard, though he's being quiet about it. I figure this might last a few minutes, and resign myself to being strong for him. Honestly, throughout this ordeal, I've felt worse for him than for myself.

* * *

"What the hell were you thinking?" Levi demanded, shaking me by handfuls of my coat's front. "You had the gun on her—why didn't you fire?"

"Maybe he tried," Erwin suggested calmly.

"His finger was on the damn trigger. He didn't try."

"I didn't want to kill her!" I said, not sounding nearly as reasonable as I wanted to. I was way too defensive to command any respect.

"Instead, you decided to risk her killing you, or an innocent bystander?"

I choked up at that. In the moment, it hadn't occurred to me that anyone else was in danger as Annie and I struggled over her handgun. "I... I didn't..."

"I didn't think so." Levi shoved me away and stalked off a few paces.

"All right, calm down," Erwin said. He put a hand on my shoulder. "Maybe it would have been safer to take the shot, but it's not like we prepared him for that exact situation. And it takes a hell of a lot of nerve to take a life, especially of someone you've worked with. You should understand that, Levi."

He turned back toward us. "I'm recommending you take Jaeger out of field work for a while."

The use of my last name in this moment stung a little. He seemed really pissed at me.

"I'm taking him out of _all_ work for a few days," Erwin answered, still cool. "He did what we asked of him and had a brush with death in the process. I think he's earned some time off."

Levi muttered something I didn't understand. If Erwin heard, he chose not to respond.

"Come on," Erwin told me, pulling me toward the perimeter of the scene. "Your friends are waiting."

Along with Mikasa and Armin, Hanji was waiting with a huge smile and a hug. She had been ninety percent of my cheering section since I first joined the precinct. Apparently she had followed my dad's career in his quest to discover more effective drug treatments for various ailments and had a pet dream to work with him on a project some day. Every time I went on a difficult or dangerous assignment, she offered assistance, though I could never think of anything she could help me with.

"Don't worry about old crabby-face," she said, obviously meaning Levi. "He's just mad that he almost lost his favorite rookie."

I snorted. "Favorite? Yeah, right. He hates me."

"Don't be melodramatic," she scolded me sweetly. "Come let me look at you. Are you hurt? You have some little scratches. I'll fix you up."

I let her fuss over me even though there were paramedics on site who could have fixed me up just as efficiently. Mikasa and Armin stuck close to me until I was ready to go.

"Take him straight home," Erwin instructed Mikasa. "I'm going to arrange an appointment with the department psychiatrist for tomorrow, just as a matter of course. He's been through a lot."

Mikasa isn't phased by this information—We had both had to see the shrink after I was abducted, too. It had been a pretty freaky experience, being carted off in that truck, thinking I was going to die, getting drugged, seeing someone shoot at my sister, and then on top of all that the disappointment of Annie and her goons escaping in spite of the fact that Mikasa had shot out one of the tires of their getaway car. Even so, fighting over a loaded gun with a one-time friend and colleague seemed on almost equal footing with all of that put together. As for Mikasa, shooting someone in the face in the basement shootout had gotten her six sessions with the therapist and two weeks off from active duty. She didn't talk about it.

At least catching Annie on an attempted murder charge got her off the streets while we built a bigger case against her. I hoped that would greatly decrease all the gang activity we'd been dealing with, but in the short run, I was dead wrong.

* * *

When I got to the precinct for my appointment the next day, Levi was waiting for me. He motioned me into his office, and I waited while he closed the door.

Unable to wait for him to explain, I blurted out, "Are you still mad at me?"

He eyed me a moment; then shook his head. "I shouldn't have been so hard on you. I wasn't really angry with you."

"You weren't? It sure seemed like it."

"I know." Levi went to sit behind his desk and gestured to a chair for me. "If a bystander had been hit, that would have been terrible."

I started to say that I knew I'd screwed up, but he put up a hand to stop me.

"Terrible for you," he went on, "because you'd have been guilt-ridden and have been suspended for a while. Terrible for the rest of us, because it would be a huge knock to our PR and morale. Terrible for whomever was shot, and for their family."

I stared at the floor, feeling like crying again.

"On the other hand, if it had been you that was shot, that would be good for PR, but again bad for morale, bad for the strength of our team..."

I glanced at him, wondering if he was being flippant. I couldn't tell.

"But Erwin was right—if you'd killed Annie, that would have done things to you, too. There are repercussions, no matter what outcome you look at. I guess the logical thing is to just look at what _did_ happen: you took a chance, and no one was seriously hurt. Instead of yelling at you, I should have been congratulating you."

I hadn't expected that. Where I'd been feeling hollow, I suddenly felt warmth in my chest.

"I try not to let my emotions get the best of me," he went on, "but sometimes I fail and it makes me angry. The truth is, I was just angry that I'd put you in a spot like that without planning for every possible danger. If anything had happened to you, it would have been my fault."

I realized my mouth had fallen open. "I... I didn't think of it that way," I stuttered.

"I know."

"You didn't force me..."

"We pressured you."

"Sure, a little... but I agreed to the plan."

He was looking at me kind of intently, and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Anyway," he said, starting to move some papers around on his desk, "I wanted to apologize before you saw the shrink. Figured it would save some time."

"Oh... OK." I fidgeted. "Well... thank you for telling me, sir."

He looked a tiny bit perturbed. "Eren," he said, looking at me again, "I've withdrawn my recommendation to keep you off field work. Whenever you feel ready and you're needed, that's when you should go."

I shook his hand. "Thank you, captain," I said sincerely.

"And... you can call me Levi if you want to."

"OK." I smiled a little. "Thanks."

I felt a lot better as I made my way to the conference room where the psychiatrist was waiting. Everything was pretty all right again.

* * *

"I don't know if I can." Levi's voice is quiet and muffled through my shirt. "What's wrong with me?"

I'm a little worried now, not sure I'm equipped to deal with this. Erwin once warned me that Levi could be pretty self-deprecating, and that it was hard to pull him out of it when it got bad. "What are you talking about?" I ask, trying to keep the worry out of my voice.

"I get my best friends killed, swear I'll never love anyone again, disregard that and love you more than anything in the world, more than myself... and then I hurt you—what the hell is wrong with me?"

I hate to hear the despair in his voice. My eyes quickly fill up and I squeeze him hard. "That's what we need to figure out," I venture. "I know you didn't want to hurt me... I'm not saying it's fine that you did. But I know you didn't do it for the end result of seeing me in pain. There was something else—that's what we need to deal with."

"I did it because you weren't seeing things my way, and I wanted to punish you," he says harshly.

"Yeah... but it's deeper than that. You're not that self-centered, Levi. I know you aren't." I lean back and tilt his face up; there are tears on his cheeks. I wipe them away. "You're one of the kindest, most selfless people I've ever met."

"Sure, I am."

"I mean it. Maybe you don't have patience for ignorant people or rude people, but I've seen you show people compassion over and over, sometimes even to total strangers. You're a good man."

"Then why... did I do something so bad?"

I stroke his face with my thumb. "We're going to figure it out together."

He reaches up slowly, like it's taking all his courage, and gently touches my mouth. It stopped hurting days ago, and doesn't look bad anymore, but I know that to him it looks fresh, as if it's still bleeding. "I'm so sorry," he says, voice wavering.

"I know." My tears escape then, and he's the one brushing them away.

He pushes his chair back and gets up to properly wrap his arms around me. We stand there a long time, making up for the week apart. I've missed being held. I feel like my body has been starving for him. I close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder. I know we're going to be all right again.

* * *

 _This is far from the end. In case you were wondering_ — _because the way I ended the chapter sounds like it could be, but it's not. ;)_

 _P.S. Six chapters up and only one review. I know you're busy, but so am I, and I just wrote 2500 words. Can't you spare a line or two? Thanks!_


	7. Fanboy Crush

_I've been writing so much because I had a day off... I'm probably going to slow down a lot in the next few days or weeks. If I'm smart, that is. Because I have a lot to get done._

 _Disclaimer: some PG/PG-13 language in this chapter. Starting in flashback for this one._

* * *

Seven: Fanboy Crush

"How was your appointment?" was the first thing Armin wanted to know when he got home.

"Fine," I answered.

"Did you get the same guy again?"

"No, a woman this time. She was nice. How was work?"

"Nothing exciting today, but that's a good thing. People kept asking about you. I said you're doing all right... are you?"

I smiled at him. "Yeah, I'm good."

"OK. You seemed pretty down after the captain yelled at you yesterday."

"No, it's fine. He actually apologized for that this morning."

"Really? Wow. That's cool. Make sure you tell Mikasa. She seemed ready to skin him alive."

"Ha, I hope she doesn't try. I wouldn't want to see that fight. I'm not sure who would win."

"Here she comes now," Armin said, looking out the window. "I hope she bought milk... no, looks like no groceries."

"Why didn't you get it?"

"Forgot." He frowned. "She looks tired."

I looked out the window beside him, and he was right: she didn't look as energetic as usual as she walked toward the front door. She glanced up and we backed away from the window.

"I think she saw us," I said with a nervous smile.

The door opened, and Mikasa stepped inside.

"Hey, Mikasa," Armin greeted her. "Long day?"

"Yeah," she said, and I could hear the fatigue in her voice. She didn't even bother to call us out for spying on her as she came up the walk.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"Mhm. We had a standoff at a meth lab today."

Armin's eyes widened. "Oh my gosh... how come I didn't hear about it?"

"FBI called us in."

"Wow... I'm glad you're OK," I said. "But... FBI, that's kind of cool."

She smiled tiredly at me. "Yeah, I guess it is. Didn't feel cool at the time, though. Anyone make supper?"

"Let's get pizza."

"So, that's a no." She laughed. "OK, sure. Pizza sounds good."

While we waited for the delivery, I told Mikasa about Levi's apology.

"Good," she said when I finished. "He should be sorry—I thought better of him."

"Oh?" I hadn't thought about what Mikasa thought of Levi before. They rarely worked together... just that one time when she was with his backup squad.

I didn't think she was going to say anything more about it, but when Armin was out of the room, she said, "There's something I didn't tell you about that day Annie drove off with you."

"What?" I asked, my curiosity through the roof.

"When they were getting away and I wanted to go after them, he said, 'We have Eren—isn't that all you wanted? Isn't he dear to you?'"

I raised my eyebrows. "He said that? I must have been swooning from the chloroform at that point."

"Must have been. All I'd ever seen of or heard about the captain before that was his stoicism. I didn't realize he had any interest in other people's relationships."

"What did you say to him?"

"I said..." Mikasa frowned, trying to remember her exact words. "I said, 'It's not like that.' But I stood down. Because he was right—getting you home was more important than getting revenge for our fallen. That feels kind of selfish, but going on by myself probably would have..."

"Just gotten you killed," I finished. "Maybe he saved both our lives. In fact... there's something I didn't tell you, too. That gunshot that went under your arm—he was aiming right at your chest until Levi popped that last tire and threw him off."

She smiled a little. "I'm definitely glad I didn't go after you alone. But I'm not sorry I went."

I thought back over what she had told me. "So... you think the captain thought you... what, had a crush on me?"

"I'm not sure. That's the impression I got, but I could have been wrong."

"Gross," I said, grinning at her.

"I know!" She shoved me. "Besides, you're the one with the bro-mance for him."

"What?!" I was mortified to feel my face getting hot.

"Oh, come on. You've had a fanboy crush on him since before you even met him. 'Captain Levi this; Captain Levi that.'"

I giggled a little. "It wasn't that bad."

Armin came back in and looked at our mischievous expressions. "What'd I miss?"

I took in a deep breath and looked at Mikasa for guidance, but when I saw her smirk I just burst out laughing.

"You had to be there," she said, choosing to be merciful for once.

The pizza arrived then and I made a hasty exit to go pay for it.

* * *

"Well, I didn't mean to spill my goddam guts all over breakfast," Levi grumbles, the signal that he has pulled himself together at last. "Sorry about that... what do we do now?"

I laugh a little and kiss his temple before pulling away. "No idea. But I'll help you clean up the dishes. Oh, I know: we can buy some groceries so I can cook tonight. What would you like?"

He helps me gather the dishes and we head for the kitchen. "I'd like a roast, but that takes all day."

"That's OK. I can put it in the slow cooker as soon as we get back, and let it cook while we do other stuff. We'll put some little potatoes and carrots in with it."

"It's not too much trouble?"

I shake my head. "You know, when we first moved in here, I was planning to cook for you every night. You were always making breakfast for me, so I thought if I do dinner and we fend for ourselves for lunch, we'll be all set. But then you started packing lunches for me, and I realized you were the better cook, and I started getting spoiled..."

I'm rambling, but he's looking at me like he's really listening. "I like cooking for you," he says. "But if you want to make dinner for me every night, that's fine. It's nice," he says, like he's correcting himself.

I smile and lean over to kiss his cheek. I haven't given him a real kiss in over a week, and it's driving me crazy now, but I know the time isn't right. We have to be smart about this. It's like healing a wound; if you don't line everything up right and seal it together, there will be a bad scar, and maybe an infection. We need to make sure we follow the right procedure and rebuild our relationship with care, not haste.

The breakfast meltdown was like purging the wound, and now we're trying to stitch it up before bandaging it. We wash the dishes by hand, since the dishwasher is full of drying dishes, and then clean up the kitchen. When we're done, it's cleaner than it was when Levi went away. Then we get our shoes on and leave for the grocery store.

Shopping feels pretty normal. I point out things I want to buy, but I let Levi make the final selections. He knows more about produce than I do... actually, he just knows more about most things. But anyway, I'm happy to defer to his judgment.

I put my foot down about paying the bill: I'm absolutely not letting him pay for everything. He agrees to split the bill, and I consider that a win. He's proud, but not obstinate.

"We should go to Nao's again soon," I say, remembering what I facetiously call our first date. "We haven't been for a while."

"Maybe," he says, and I feel like there's something he's not telling me.

I abruptly abandon the subject, not wanting to get back into heavy stuff yet. "Should I put any spices on the roast?" I ask.

"Maybe some basil," he suggests. "You could put in a bay leaf or two."

I'm glad I asked. He always knows which herbs go with what, as well as what we have in the cupboards.

"Maybe we should have Erwin over for dinner some evening," Levi says. "He'd probably like a change from always meeting in his office, and it's the least we can do."

"That's a great idea." I help Levi put the bags in my car, and then quickly open the front passenger door for him while he's returning our buggy. "Ha," I say triumphantly.

He quirks an eyebrow at me like he doesn't get why I'm so happy about getting to be the one to act chivalrous for a change. Then he says "Thanks" in a tone that matches his expression.

I sigh, but it's not a big deal. As I'm coming around to the driver's side, my door pops open. I stare, open my mouth, roll my eyes... and as I get into the car, Levi says dryly, "Ha, _ha."_

I erupt into giggles. "OK, fine. You win. This time." I go back to thinking about Erwin coming over. "Erwin hasn't seen the apartment since our warming party, has he?"

"I don't think so," Levi answers.

"I guess it's time we had him over, anyway."

"I guess."

I know Levi's social life is pretty simple; just because he knows and likes someone doesn't mean he feels the need to invite them over to his living space, nor does he expect to be invited to theirs. I helped him adjust a little, getting him used to Mikasa and Armin coming over frequently, and gradually other guests. And thinking of other guests...

"Christa came by last week," I say. "I gather that she asked Armin point blank what was going on with us and he told her we were going through a rough time or something like that. She brought some booze and we talked..." I glance at him, hoping he's not upset.

"That explains the girly beer in the fridge," He mutters.

"Heh, yeah. It was pretty good, actually."

"Did it help? Her visit, I mean."

"A little. Just to know she cared that much was nice. You know what she said to me? She said... 'If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with.'"

After a moment of silence, Levi says, "What a load of bullshit."

"That's exactly what I said!" I exclaimed. I glimpse a little smile on Levi's face and it makes me happy. "She meant well, but that was just no help at all."

"Did you tell her what happened?"

"No... I told her a little about the argument and how I was feeling and how I thought you might be feeling and stuff... just that kind of thing. Does it bother you?" I ask anxiously.

"You're free to talk to whomever you want."

It's a stoic answer, and I half wish he'd said it bothered him. "I know. I guess I'd just like to know if people are talking about me, so I don't want to keep it a secret from you. And I also wanted you to know I was alone in the apartment with a girl besides Mikasa. Because I'd want to know that if you were." I'm feeling warm now. I hope he doesn't interpret it as a sign of guilt. "Maybe I should have asked you if—"

"Eren," he cuts me off. "I don't mind if you have company when I'm not there. If you feel that it's nothing to be concerned about, then I trust you. But thank you for telling me."

I feel a lot of tension going away after he says that. "OK. Thanks."

"I suppose I ought to tell you about the friend I've been staying with, since it seems like the arrangement might worry you."

Annoyingly, I feel myself go on the defensive right away. "Oh?" I say, trying to keep the strain out of my voice.

"It's Yan."

"Yan? Nao's son, Yan?"

"Yeah. He got back into town a little while ago. I ate at the restaurant on Monday and he was there visiting. Koto wanted to know where you were, so I explained as simply as I could, and Yan said since he was staying at a motel while he looked for a new place, we should stay together and split the cost."

"Oh... yeah, that makes sense." I relax a little again. "You were OK staying with another guy in a motel?"

"It's clean, and so is Yan."

"I guess he's not into you?"

"Tch. No; not like that, anyway. Actually, when she got wind that we were separated, Koto started showing me pictures of her niece."

I snort. "I can so see that. 'Look, my niece. Very pretty! She make very good wife,'" I say, imitating the Japanese lady's voice as best I can.

"You're not far wrong," Levi says with a smirk.

"Was she pretty?"

"Sure." Levi scrolls through his phone for a moment and then holds it up, showing a picture of a Japanese girl in a traditional green kimono.

"Oh, wow. She's adorable. Are you going to meet her?"

"She lives like three states away."

"So, how come you're not halfway there by now?"

He catches on that I'm teasing him. "Well, I would be, but I had the funny feeling I was in love with someone else."

"Those darn funny feelings."

"Yeah, they spoil the best marriages."

* * *

Christmas at the precinct was both fun and a drag at the same time. Criminals never get the memo that you're supposed to take holidays off.

We all drew names so everyone at the station would get a gift without everyone spending their whole paycheck. I wasn't sure why it was so important to me, but I hoped desperately that I would get Levi's name. I got Jean's, of all people. Mikasa offered to help me pick something out for him, and I accepted. Armin got the easiest drawing: Sasha. Sasha had been in our graduating class, and she was easy because she liked anything edible. It took him about five seconds to decide he would get her one of those fruit bouquets—art you can eat.

I wondered if it would be weird for me to get Levi a present when I hadn't drawn his name. I couldn't just stick it under the little tree with the others, or he would open it when everyone else opened theirs, and they would realize he'd gotten two. Besides, I kind of wanted him to know it was from me, and the tree gifts were supposed to be anonymous. It wasn't _that_ weird, was it? We had worked together a lot... come close to dying together. I thought that merited a Christmas present at the very least.

Then I got an idea. If it was from me and Mikasa, that would be twice as many givers and therefore half the weirdness, right? I thought it over carefully before introducing the idea to her.

"I was thinking," I told her as we were decorating our own tree at home, "the captain has done a lot for me since I joined the PD, and he kind of saved both our lives. I want to get him a Christmas gift. You know, to say thank you."

She looked thoughtful. "That would be nice. Did you have something in mind?"

"Yeah, a Rolex, but we can't afford it."

"How about something for his car?" Armin suggested.

"We might be able to afford a high-end air freshener," I muttered, "but I think he keeps it so clean, he doesn't even need one."

"He's on his phone all the time," Mikasa said. "Maybe he'd like a new case for it."

I brightened. "Yeah. We could get it engraved. Oh, we could get the department insignia on it!"

"Good idea," she said. "I'll look online and see if we can get that done in time. Do you know what model he has?"

"I'll find out."

"If we can get a message too, what do you want it to say?"

"Um... something about it being a Christmas gift and um... in gratitude for... you know..." I frowned. "You're better at this stuff. You choose what it says."

She snickered. "OK, Wordsworth. Whatever you say."

* * *

 _Thanks for reading. I'm enjoying writing it, so I hope you enjoy reading it. If so, please leave a comment._


	8. Christmas Eve

_People in nine different countries have looked at this story now. :) Even if your English is not the best, if you leave a comment I will try to figure out what it says with Google translate and send a reply. ^_^  
_

 _Note: I took out a line from the last chapter, because I realized that being in SWAT, Mikasa wouldn't be drawing a name for the station's Christmas party. Her gang would have their own._

* * *

Eight: Christmas Eve

It had been a bloody December. Instead of falling apart, the Titans had banded together to intimidate the other gangs, to make sure no one tried to muscle in on their territory while their boss was in jail. But try, they did. Almost every other day we were getting calls to the scene of a shooting, or the occasional stabbing. It was like being in an actual war. I'd had no idea the gangs had so many members until I started looking at the death count. It was insane.

Thank God for Christmas. A little breath of fresh air in all the craziness. Armin and I had volunteered to work Christmas day, as had Levi, but those who would be home with their families were opening their presents Christmas Eve.

Levi's present felt like a huge, conspicuous bulge in my pocket, and I nervously awaited the best time to give it to him—whenever that would be. I thought it would be cool to give it to him in private, but that might be too awkward. Since it was a "Thanks for saving our lives" gift, maybe I should just go for it and get everyone's attention and make a speech. Eh... I was no good at speeches. I'd had to let Mikasa choose the wording for the inscription, after all.

Accidentally eavesdropping at the water cooler saved me from my dilemma, at least for the time-being.

"Working Christmas _and_ your birthday?" Marco was saying to Jean. "That sucks."

"He doesn't care," Jean answered. "I don't think he even celebrates either one if he can help it. Hanji said he tried to get them to leave his name out of the drawing."

"Who?" I asked.

"The captain."

I blinked. "Really? What's he got against Christmas?"

Jean shrugged. "He's a cold-hearted bastard with a stick up his ass?"

I almost punched him, but I contained myself.

"Hey, that's not fair," Marco said, and I felt grateful that I hadn't had to be the one to speak up. "Christmas is hard for some people. Maybe he's got some stuff to deal with."

I remembered what I had first overheard and suddenly asked, "When's his birthday?"

"Christmas day. That's why I was saying it's so... crappy for him." Marco chuckled.

Jean crumpled his paper cup and tossed it into the trashcan. It bounced out and I knelt to put it back in. "Well, back to the grind, crazy."

By "crazy," he meant me. He'd been calling me variations of insane ever since I had willingly gone to meet Annie by myself. It annoyed me at first, but Mikasa said it was actually the closest Jean came to being affectionate with his fellow policemen. When Armin agreed with her theory, I decided to do my best to take it as a term of endearment, and after that it didn't bother me much.

I went to find Armin at his shared desk space. "Change of plans... I'm not giving it to him today."

Armin knew instantly what I was talking about and leaned toward me. "I thought you wanted to do it early because he'd get his office present tomorrow."

"I just found out tomorrow's his birthday."

"The captain's birthday is Christmas day?! That's nuts."

"I don't know... Jesus doesn't seem to mind."

Armin snorted. "Yeah, but the holiday is _because_ it's his birthday, and technically, Jesus was probably born in the spring or summer, but anyway..."

"Mhm. So, I thought, he'll get his office drawing gift tomorrow, but that's a Christmas gift, so I'll give him mine—ours—as a birthday gift." I shouldn't have corrected myself, but Armin didn't seem to think it was weird.

"That might be nicer for him... he probably doesn't usually get any birthday presents."

I was glad that he agreed. It made me more confident that it was a good idea. "You sure you want to work tomorrow?" I asked him.

"Yeah. You're not going to be home, so... it'll be easier for me if I'm here. You're my family now, you and Mikasa. I don't want to be alone on Christmas."

"You could go to a friend's, though."

"It's not the same."

I nodded. "We'll get up early to open our gifts, then," I decided. "Or open some of them then, and some when we get home."

"OK."

"Jaeger," Jean called to me across the bullpen.

"Yeah?"

"There's a nine-one-one, caller not responding to questions. We're up."

"See you later," I said, giving Armin's shoulder a pat. I grabbed my coat and followed Jean outside.

* * *

When everything is in the slow cooker, it's time for lunch. We make our own sandwiches: PB&J for me, turkey and cheese for Levi. We talk about things to do in the afternoon. I really want to do something that will help us get close again; the invisible wall between us is getting to me. I understand that the separation was good for us, but I'm worried that we've forgotten how to be together.

 _Nothing has changed,_ I tell myself. _We're the same people we were before; we just have a little more perspective now._

"We should have returned those movies while we were out," Levi says.

"We can do it tomorrow on the way to Erwin's office. They're not due back until tomorrow night, right?"

"Right."

"You know, we haven't read anything together for a while. Got any books you haven't read yet?"

He thinks a while. "I thought I might start _The Once And Future King_ soon."

That sounds familiar, but I can't place it. "What's it about?"

"It's a novel about King Arthur. The Sword In the Stone and shit."

"Oh, right. Yeah, that's cool. Want to start it after we're done?"

"OK. After we unload the dishwasher."

I half-smile. He's really good about keeping on top of chores. I'm... not. It's not that I'm not willing to do them; I'm just a procrastinator.

When the boring stuff is done, Levi finds the book and we settle down in the living room. He sits at one end of the couch and puts the footrest up, getting comfortable with a pillow behind his back. I curl up beside him and lean on his shoulder as he opens the book and begins to read. I'm enchanted by his deep voice reading the other-worldly text.

"Epigraph: She is not any common earth/ Water or wood or air,/ But Merlin's Isle of Gramarye/ Where you and I will fare."

"That's pretty... what the hell is it talking about?" I asked.

"I think it's Kipling. It's saying that Merlin's realm is a fantastic place we're entering."

"OK." I nestle against his arm.

He goes on and I'm able to follow the story pretty well, and it's funny right away. Now and then I ask Levi to explain something, and he never gets annoyed with me.

Eventually, I shift around to get more comfortable and end up with my head in his lap. He keeps reading, but drops his free hand onto my chest. Now and then he rubs his fingers back and forth, kind of half petting and half massaging. It's hard not to close my eyes and go to sleep.

I listen carefully when the narrator explains Wart's sensitivity over not having any parents. Kay lorded it over him that he was Sir Ector's _proper_ son. I wonder if that means that Wart is Kay's half brother by some poor woman Sir Ector knocked up. I don't want to ask about it though, because I know a little about Levi's origins, and I'm not sure if it might be a sensitive subject. His voice doesn't seem to change when he reads that part, but he is very good at hiding what he feels.

Levi reaches the end of the first chapter. "Want to read some?" he asks me.

"OK." I get a little nervous reading aloud to Levi. I definitely don't like the sound of my own voice as much as I like hearing him read, but the togetherness of reading with him is something really special. I'm willing to struggle along.

He pulls me further into his lap so I can rest my head on the arm of the couch. While I'm reading, he pushes my hair back from my face and then goes back to subtly petting me. It feels really good.

The second chapter is longer than the first, so when I get quite a ways and see that there are several pages left, I give the book back to Levi and let him read again. I laugh at the ridiculous mental image of the knight Wart met trying to get his dog untangled from a tree by galloping around it on his horse. I'm giggling when he sets the book aside.

He pets my hair again, almost smiling. "Want to take a walk?" he asks.

"Mm... OK, in a minute." I don't want to get up. Don't want him to stop petting me.

He curls forward and kisses my forehead. "Are you tired?"

"Not really." I nuzzle against his arm.

He stares at me for a few seconds, his expression pretty neutral as usual, but with a hint of curiosity, maybe. "Come on," he says. "We need the exercise."

I sigh and grudgingly agree. I wriggle off of him, kind of caressing his side and shoulder as I go, wanting the contact to last as long as possible.

We get our shoes on and walk down to the grassy area near the middle of our community. There's a fenced section for people to let their dogs run around in, and some picnic tables on the other side. We walk around the perimeter, watching people with their families. Some of our neighbors wave to us.

Maybe I should say they wave to _me..._ I'm well liked in our neighborhood, but people are generally a little scared of Levi. I do everything I can to assure them that he's a great guy, but it's hard for normal people to understand someone so introverted. I wonder what they would say if they knew what happened. Would they say "I thought there was something wrong with him!" or "Better to find out now than when you've brought a kid into your home!"? I feel sick at the thought. People often think they're being comforting or encouraging, but if they really stopped to think about how other people feel, maybe they'd keep their mouths shut. I don't want any of these people to know. Some of them are very nice, but... there's no reason they should ever know.

I take Levi's hand as we pass under some trees at the edge of the clearing. "It's nice and warm today," I say.

"Mm. You'll be complaining it's too hot, soon."

"Not for a while yet, I hope. But it will be nice to swim again when the pool opens."

"Tch. That pool is always full of bugs and other people's spit and God knows what else."

"They clean it. And they treat it, too."

"With chlorine."

"Yeah?"

"Saline is better."

I shrug. "Maybe it's more expensive." I want to say, "Some day we'll have a house with a big yard and we'll have our own pool," but I don't. It's too soon to say things like that. I hope desperately that it won't be too much longer before we can talk about the future again, like we know we'll be together forever.

* * *

The 911 call turned out to be a false alarm. Jean grumbled about wasting police time, but I told him we should be glad that the false alarms weren't real emergencies. He just shook his head and said, "I'd rather no emergency _and_ no false alarm."

Jean and I had been unofficial partners for some time until recently. This happened because all the experienced officers who were available to pair up with a new partner were matched with other people, and Jean and I were left over. I took it as a compliment that Levi thought we were competent enough to be our own little team, but Jean usually acted like it was a big pain. He kept threatening to leave the force for private security work if he didn't get a different arrangement soon. I learned not to take it personally, and eventually he stopped complaining. He didn't act like he liked it, but not complaining was a step in the right direction.

That's why I was almost disappointed when Levi decided to split us up. Marco's partner had been killed in the basement shootout, and Levi decided to assign Jean to him. Armin had been paired with Petra to learn the profiling gig, but Levi said he was doing as well at his assignments as I was, and it was all right to put us together, at least on paper.

"If your personal relationship has too much effect on your work, we'll figure something else out," he told us.

But Armin and I rarely work together in the field, and with him advising me on stuff, we make a pretty good team. Even early on, I still worked with Jean and even Levi more closely than with Armin.

Jean wouldn't be working Christmas day, but Marco would; that was why I went with Jean on his 911 response. Christmas Day, I'd work with Marco as the need arose.

"Are you going home for Christmas?" I asked as we reentered the station.

"Yeah. I'm seeing my mom tomorrow. She'll probably make a huge fuss." He rolled his eyes and I think he even blushed a little.

I remembered the time Jean's mother visited him in the cafeteria at the academy. Boy, was he embarrassed. He was so mortified that he chewed her out in front of everyone, and in turn, everyone told him he was a jerk for about the next week. Especially me, because I'd give anything to see my mom again, and I just couldn't believe he'd treat his that way. Still the incident had passed, and we all grew up a bit in the time since.

"Well... that's what moms are like," I said.

"Yeah. What about you? Do you get to see your dad at all?"

"Mm... I might call him. We're not on the best terms." The truth was, my dad and I had scarcely spoken since I called to ask about the whole suspicion of drug trafficking thing, and I wasn't sure he'd want to hear from me again after that.

"Too bad. Maybe it'll get better eventually. People change."

That was about the nicest thing Jean had ever said to me; maybe it was his Christmas spirit coming out. "Maybe. Catch you later, OK?"

"Yup."

In the afternoon, people started opening their gifts. Jean really liked the X-box game I'd gotten for him. Mikasa had had the idea of asking Marco for ideas, and this one paid off. I don't remember much else from the rest of that day; just that It felt impossible to wait for it to end.

* * *

 _Hope you enjoyed it. I'll work on more soon. Please let me know what you think of the story.  
_


	9. Panic

_10/7/2017_

 _By the way, I haven't read much of the manga at this point, so I don't know what happens after the end of the anime. If I seem to deviate far from the plot, please be patient and don't give me any spoilers. Thanks!  
_

* * *

Nine: Panic

Christmas morning, Armin, Mikasa and I opened about half our gifts to each other. Mikasa made pancakes for breakfast, and we were all pretty cheerful. Mikasa was just on standby for the day, so she was planning to hang out with us whenever we had downtime.

We were just finishing breakfast when the landline phone rang. Armin answered it and looked over at me.

"It's your dad," he said quietly.

I sat frozen for a moment, having not expected to get around to calling my father, let alone for him to call _me._ I snapped out of it and went to the phone. Armin and Mikasa retreated from the kitchen.

"Hello," I said.

"Hello, son. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," I answered automatically.

"Are you working today?"

"Yeah... about to head out. You?"

"Same. Crimes and injuries don't stop for holidays."

"Nope," I agreed. I didn't know what to talk about, so I was feeling a little awkward.

"I guess you three are still living together?"

"Yeah."

"That's good. Got a girl friend yet?"

"Nah. I feel like I'm too busy to date. Maybe if I get promoted or something. But I don't really have anyone in mind."

"Well, there's plenty of time for that."

"Yeah."

There was a silence, and I squirmed. Finally, he said, "I guess I should let you go. I'd like to see you sometime, though. It's been too long."

I wasn't sure how to feel about that. "I know," I heard myself say.

"You can always call me... you have my number, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Well... be safe."

"OK. Have a good day."

"I love you, son. Bye."

"Bye."

I hung up, and I felt angry—more angry with myself than with him. True, I was mad that he hadn't been in touch more—the poor communication thing went both ways—but I was mad at myself because I couldn't tell him I loved him. Maybe I had reason to resent him, but the one thing I regretted about my mom (other than not being able to save her life) was that I hadn't told her I loved her. What if I lost my dad, too? I'd hate myself.

The others came back into the room.

"You OK?" Armin asked.

"Yeah," I said in a breathy voice that betrayed how upset I was.

Mikasa came over with a hugging look in her eye, but I shook my head.

"No hugs. We need to get going, and I don't want to show up with red eyes."

They understood and backed off.

* * *

The roast isn't ready yet when we get back to the apartment, so Levi says he's going to get a shower in the meantime. My thoughts of the juicy pot roast turn to thoughts of my juicy boy friend and I accidentally let out a little sigh.

"What?" he asks.

"Nothing," I say. "I'll set the table while you're in there."

"Thanks."

I clear a little clutter off the table while I'm at it—I haven't been very good about dealing with the mail in his absence, and ads and bill reminders have piled up. Then I set out paper plates, napkins and silverware and put two ceramic bowls by the crock pot. The smell is getting very enticing and my stomach gurgles a little. I finish up by putting a roll on each of our plates and the butter dish and a knife at the corner of the table where we can both reach it.

When Levi comes back downstairs in fresh clothes and with a dark green towel draped around his shoulders like a cape, I ask, "What do you want to drink?" thinking he looks like a cool drink, himself.

His hair is dripping onto the towel and a strand of it is stuck to his face, running across his cheekbone like a black scar. "Water is fine," he says. "I might have tea afterward."

"I'll heat some water." Once the coffee maker is busy heating water for tea, I open up the crock pot and serve up portions of meat and vegetables for both of us. I carry them to the dining area and set them carefully on the table.

Levi takes my hand for a moment. "Thank you," he says.

I lean over and plant a kiss in his wet hair. "You're welcome," I answer.

He starts eating and sighs contentedly. "This is good."

"Mhm," I say. I don't feel I can take much credit for how good it is—once you learn how to cut stuff up and keep an eye on the clock, cooking with a crock pot is pretty easy. The little extras that make a good meal great—like adding the spices—that's Levi's doing. "Want to read more after supper?"

"All right. Not too late, though."

I nod, knowing we need to get up early in the morning. I guess it kind of sounds like Levi dictates my bedtime and stuff like a parent, but he'd do that even if I were older than him. He's a born leader and I'm... a little irresponsible. I often don't know what's good for me, which is kind of what started our trouble. Sometimes Levi feels the need to tell me what's good for me, and on occasion I disagree with him. Usually we can work it out, but... this time it's been really tough on us.

I tilt my head to the side, pursuing this line of thought. I feel that I'm on the verge of understanding exactly what it was that set him off, but the food seems to be draining everything useful away from my brain and into my stomach. I know it's been right in front of us the whole time, but we can't quite grasp it because it's our problem. To an outsider, it's probably stupidly obvious.

"What is it?"

I blink and slowly look up at him. "Oh... sorry. I was just thinking about something."

After staring at me a moment longer, he says, "Don't apologize for thinking" and goes back to eating.

I sniff. Levi likes to tease me about not being too bright. I'm torn between being miffed about it and being happy that he feels normal enough to do it. In the end, I just shake my head.

* * *

We were called to the scene of a shooting shortly after we got to the station. Even Erwin came out for this one, because the firefight was in a residential area and seemed likely to go on for a while. SWAT was called in, too, so I saw Mikasa there at the edge of things and I went to stand beside her for our final briefing.

"They will have heard the sirens," Erwin told us, "but that hasn't stopped them, so I'd say they're not going to be easily intimidated. I'm going to try to talk to them, but I doubt they'll catch much between the shots."

Even as he spoke, we could hear gunfire and the occasional shout from the next street over.

"Regular police need to stay behind the Swat shields as much as possible," Erwin went on. "I know there are civilians in the area, but you won't help them by getting yourselves killed."

I didn't like following behind Mikasa's team, but I knew it made sense. As predicted, no one paid much attention to Erwin announcing our presence through a bullhorn. We crept up the street toward the mayhem beyond.

To make a long story short, the gangs seemed almost to ignore us until we were well into the war zone; then they closed in behind us. We figured out too late that while the gangs were indeed fighting each other, they had agreed beforehand to ambush us once they got the opportunity to cut off our escape route. It was a weird cooperation of enemies against their mutual enemy, and a good move, considering none of us expected it, not even Armin.

The SWAT shields weren't enough to protect all of us from all sides, so they fanned out in two lines, forming something like a World War One trench for us to shoot out of. From the sides, we were pretty wide open, though. Everyone had their weapons drawn, and most were firing them, though the gangs had better cover in and around the surrounding buildings. Bullets were raining down on us.

I looked to Levi and saw that he wasn't panicking. He wasn't shooting wildly, as some of the rookies were. He was calmly picking a target and eliminating it, picking another and doing the same. He was looking for the hard-to-spot gunmen, knowing the less experienced officers would be aiming for the ones they could see most readily.

Following his example, I stayed close to the line of SWAT and searched for lurking snipers. I successfully brought down a target and then spotted a second. I didn't have a clear shot at him—all I could see was the barrel of his rifle in a second-story window. I followed its aim and found to my dismay that it moved when Levi did.

Levi was crouching to take aim at someone running for better cover. He was slowly swinging his gun around, following the runner's progress. The gun in the window had frozen. Any second, the gunman would fire.

I thought of shouting, but my voice would probably be overpowered by the shots around me. I realized that even if he heard me, Levi had learned to shut everything out when he was concentrating, even the cries of his subordinates when necessary. He wouldn't give me his attention until he was ready, and then it would be too late. A sickening bubble of panic was forming fast in my stomach, and it burst out as a blood-curdling scream.

It was like the world had suddenly gone into slow motion and I could see the sound leaving my mouth. I could see it float over to Levi, see him start to respond. He abandoned his aim and started to turn toward me, his gaze passing over the buildings opposite us. His eyes passed over the sniper in the window and moved on a little further before his brain processed the danger. He didn't look back at it, but just dropped suddenly, as if all the bones in his limbs were broken.

There were still so many shots in the air, I couldn't tell if the sniper had fired or not. But then time resumed its normal pace and Levi was up again, aiming for the window he'd spotted a moment before. I saw the rifle barrel jerk violently, and I was certain that Levi's bullet had found its mark. It was an impressive shot to make with a handgun, but I didn't have time to reflect on that before I saw Mikasa gasping on the ground.

I crawled over to her. "Mikasa! Are you OK? Where are you hurt?"

She just shook her head. She couldn't seem to get much air in her lungs, and I didn't know how to help her. I dragged her between two parked cars by the sidewalk, and by the time we got there, the shots were dying away. Reinforcements had arrived. We were going to survive this.

* * *

We brush our teeth and then I decide to take a shower before bed. I wouldn't feel like I need one, except that Levi just took one, so I feel kind of dirty by comparison.

I try to relax under the hot water for a minute or two and then give myself a quick scrubbing-over. Then I cut the water and squeeze most of the moisture out of my hair. I want to hurry, so I climb out of the shower right away and grab a towel, trying to dry off fast. I'm shivering as I pull on my pajamas, and it hasn't let up by the time I crawl into bed beside Levi. My teeth chatter a little.

"Cold?"

"Mhm." I pull the covers up to my chin and scoot over closer to Levi. "Warm me up?"

I'm afraid he's just going to sit there and not move, but finally he puts an arm around me and I snuggle into his side.

"Thanks. You're nice and warm." Even though I'm cold, it feels good to be clean, and it's nice to smell Levi's fresh, just-showered smell, too. I affectionately put my arm around him and start petting him through his T-shirt.

After a few seconds of that, Levi puts his hand on top of mine, effectively stopping it from moving. There's an uneasy tightness in my chest. I can't tell if he's really trying to shut me down, or if he's teasing me. I squirm around and kiss his neck slowly.

"Eren."

"Hm?" I hold my breath.

He's silent again for quite a while. Finally, "I don't think this is a good idea."

Panic is welling up inside me again. I pull away, angry at myself for ruining things when they were going well. "Sorry," I say in a low voice.

"Don't be sorry... you didn't do anything wrong," he says. "It just isn't the best time. I think we should at least wait until we've seen Erwin again. You may feel differently after that."

I think he's wrong, but my mood is definitely killed and not able to be resuscitated, so I'm not about to protest much. "OK... but will you still hold me?"

"If you want me to."

"Well... I don't want you to if you don't want to." It sounds a little silly, but I have to be sure. The thought of Levi holding me just to humor me makes me feel a little sick.

He pulls me close to him again. "I'll always want to," he says softly.

And suddenly my panic is gone again.

* * *

 _Thanks again for reading. Sorry if there are errors; I wrote half of this in the wee hours of the morning. Don't forget to Follow, favorite and comment!_


	10. Expectations

_I see people have looked at this chapter while no one has looked at the previous two. You skipped. You're seriously missing part of the story here. I do not comprehend._

 _AN: If you've come this far, please take a moment to comment on what you've read. If satisfaction were the only reward of writing, no one would post stories online. Writers want to hear how their stories have made other people feel, what they have done well, and what they could do better. This is my tenth chapter of a couple thousand words, and so far I have only two comments from one of my 37 readers_ _—surely you can drop a line or two.  
_

* * *

Ten: Expectations

Mikasa managed to tell me that though she had been shot, her Kevlar vest had absorbed most of the impact. I was trying to get a look at the damage, and she was trying not to let me do that out where everyone could see, when I heard Levi's voice behind me.

"Jaeger, were you hit?"

I looked up at him. "No, sir."

"Didn't I hear you scream?"

I felt my face go red. "Um... I saw that sniper about to shoot at you, and... I-I panicked."

"You saved my life."

I think I went redder. "I didn't think screaming would do that... but I'm glad," I muttered.

He gave me a light slap on the back and walked off to check on someone else.

I looked back at Mikasa, and in spite of shivering with adrenaline, she had this hint of a sly smile on her face. "Shut up," I said.

"Didn't say a thing," she said innocently.

"Uh-huh. Can you stand up?"

She could, and I walked her away from the messy aftermath of the shootout.

A lot of people were hurt. Of the officers we were particular friends with, Marco was in the worst condition. They were getting him into an ambulance, and I saw Jean getting in with him. I hoped fervently that Marco would be all right. He was such a nice guy, and it would be rough on all of us to lose him.

I also saw some injured civilians, and Christa told me tearfully that they had found a dead child. That made Mikasa's eyes flash, and I knew I needed to get her away from there before she did something crazy. Her team leader gave me permission to take her back to the station with me. There, Armin and I sat around his desk area with mugs of coffee while we waited for Hanji to tell us the extent of Mikasa's injuries.

A few minutes after we sat down, Hanji bounced out of her lab to tell us that Mikasa had escaped any broken bones or damaged organs, and though she would have a beautiful patch of bruising, she should be all right without a hospital visit. A lot of us would be expected to see a therapist, though; those of us who had killed someone or nearly been killed, along with those who had witnessed a friend dying, would all need some time to heal emotionally.

* * *

I wake up good and early. As soon as I move, Levi is awake, checking the time and starting to stretch.

"Don't get up yet," I say, pulling him close again.

He holds still while I fondle his hair and caress his chin. After a little while, he says, "Are you done?"

"Are you not enjoying it?" I ask anxiously.

"I didn't say that."

I smile and give him a squeeze. I can feel how solid his muscles are. I scoot over and rest my head on his chest. "You're so ripped," I murmur.

"You would be too, if you exercised more," he points out.

"Meh. So much work."

"Don't think it's worth it?"

I know I'm trapped. If I say it's not worth it, he'll say he'll just let himself go then, and I won't get the pleasure of feeling those tight abs anymore. On the other hand, if I say it is worth it, he's going to call me out for not working out more. I lift my head and look at him. "Have I ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?" I ask, going for a bald-faced distraction.

"Have I ever told you you're an ass?" he counters, not missing a beat.

I laugh and give his jaw a kiss before sitting up. "All right, let's get moving."

"Finally," he mutters.

* * *

"Boy, what a rotten Christmas," Armin said, opening his drawing present. It turned out to be a historical fiction book, and he brightened a little as he started looking in the first few pages.

I suddenly remembered the present that I still hadn't given to Levi. "Oh, I never gave the captain his gift. Do you want to come?" I asked Mikasa.

She shook her head knowingly. "You can go on your own. Unless you're scared."

"Oh, stop it." I pushed my chair back and went to get the gift out of my desk drawer.

I had acted carefree, but I have to admit that I definitely felt nervous as I approached Levi's office door. The blinds were drawn, but the light was on. I knocked firmly.

"Come in," came Levi's voice.

As I pushed the door open, I saw that Erwin was behind Levi's desk, sitting on the edge of it, and Levi was leaning on a front corner, looking back at him. They each had a tumbler in hand, and Erwin was speaking as I entered. Were they drinking on duty?

"...told you that you shouldn't have been there in the first place, since your leg isn't better yet." Erwin looked up and nodded to me.

"My leg's doing fine," Levi said, looking around at me. "And speaking of the devil..."

I flushed a little, feeling as if I'd interrupted something sacred. "Sorry to bother you," I said. "I didn't realize the commissioner was here."

Erwin smiled at me. "Don't be so formal, kid. What's that you've got there?"

I looked stupidly down at the present in my hands, wishing I had been more careful about my timing. "I, um... Mikasa and I got you something, captain," I managed.

Levi looked a little confused, and I suddenly had that sinking feeling you get when you show up at someone's house on the wrong day. But no, it _was_ Christmas Day. I knew that. I tried to shake the feeling off.

"It's a... a sort of a birthday present," I went on, hating how muddled I sounded. "But mostly to say thank you. For keeping us safe and... everything." Quailing at the thought of trying to come up with more words, I shoved the present at him.

Levi stared at it as if I were offering him a rubber chicken.

"Aren't you going to take it?" Erwin asked.

He took it. "You didn't have to do that," he said.

"I know... we just... wanted to," I said. Levi was showing no signs of opening it, and the longer I stayed, the more awkward I felt. This was not going at all how I had hoped. I took a step back, toward the door.

"Go on, can't you see he wants to watch you open it?" Erwin prompted.

Still looking slightly confused under his level of don't-give-a-shit, Levi turned the present over and started pulling the wrapping paper apart at the seams. He did it methodically, but at least he didn't carefully fold the paper and set it aside like a recycle-happy girl. Once it was off, he dropped it into the waste can by his desk and looked at the gift.

"A phone case?" he said after a moment.

"Yeah... we got the precinct insignia engraved on it," I said in a low voice. "And... an inscription."

Levi was studying the shiny blue and silver wings on the back of the brown leather case reinforced with hard rubber. When I mentioned the inscription, he flipped it over.

"So, what's it say?" Erwin asked in a patronizing tone.

Levi passed the case to him without a word and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"To Captain Levi Ackerman," Erwin read, "in gratitude for his devoted leadership and protection. With affection, Mikasa A. And Eren J., December 25th, 20—." He looked up again. "This is beautiful, Eren." He passed it back to Levi, who had popped his phone out of its cheap rubber case and now started fitting it into the new one. "I'm sure if the captain had any manners, he'd have said so himself."

"Tch. Why state the obvious?" Levi said flatly. He finished fitting the case to the phone and tested the side buttons to make sure they worked through it. "It fits perfectly," he said, looking at me at last. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I said, feeling a little better, though still warm in the face.

"How did you know it was his birthday?" Erwin asked.

"I didn't until yesterday," I admitted. "I heard someone mention it." I didn't care to say just who had been gossiping about Levi. "That's why I waited until today. I guess I figured you don't get many birthday presents."

"He doesn't even let me give him any," Erwin said in confirmation. "A little drink together in the name of Christmas is all I get."

I was really starting to feel like Erwin thought the same as Mikasa, that I had a growing crush on Levi, and I wasn't sure he'd be wrong if he did. "Well, um... I'm glad you like it," I said, though technically Levi hadn't said any such thing. "Merry Christmas."

I ducked out of the office, closed the door behind me, stepped to the side and leaned against the wall. I heard Erwin say something like, "You could have acted a little more grateful. They obviously went to a lot of trouble."

I pulled myself away and went back to Armin and Mikasa, feeling somewhat disappointed.

"Did he like it?" Armin asked.

"Yeah... it fit his phone, anyway. And he said thank you."

Mikasa smiled a little, but I knew she could tell there was more I wasn't saying.

"That's good," said Armin. "Here, Mikasa found your gift under the tree."

I took the present and opened it unceremoniously, not pausing to wonder what it was. Inside, I found a tie with the wing insignia on it, and matching pins. Everyone on the force knew I was all about my job, so getting precinct merch wasn't a big surprise. I wasn't sure if I liked the tie though, because I hardly ever wore them if they weren't required.

"Here," Mikasa said, taking the tie and flipping it around my neck. She was really good at tying them from the front, and soon it was in a neat Windsor knot. She smoothed it down against my dark uniform shirt. "It looks nice," she said.

"Thanks." I decided to leave it on. Maybe I'd wear it now and then.

I looked up and was surprised to see Levi coming toward us.

"Hello, captain," Armin greeted him.

"Arlert," Levi said nodding. "Mikasa, I wanted to thank you for the gift you and Eren got me."

"You're welcome, sir," she answered. "It was Eren's idea."

"But Mikasa wrote the inscription," I said quickly, not wanting all the attention on me.

"Well, it was a thoughtful gesture," he said. "Maybe you can help me with the damned drawing next year—I never know what to get for people."

This was the most sociable I had seen Levi to date, and my earlier disappointment was quickly fading. "Who did you have this year?" I asked quietly.

"Mike. I know he likes coffee, so I got him some exotic blends..."

"He probably liked that," Mikasa said with a reassuring smile. "It shows that you were thinking of him without getting too personal."

He nodded. "I'll definitely consult you if I need advice next year."

For a second, I almost got jealous of Mikasa, which was ridiculous. It wasn't as if Levi could or should be friendly to only one of us.

Then he looked at me as he said, "I'll be in my office if you need anything, but I have a phone call to make, so be patient if I don't answer a knock right away."

"OK," I said.

It wasn't until much later that I found out he was calling his uncle, his only known living relative. They hadn't spoken in years.

* * *

Levi makes me breakfast as usual, and then we get ready for work. But instead of going to the station, we go to Erwin's office at headquarters. It's still early, and not many people are around yet.

Erwin receives us cordially and offers us tea and coffee, which Levi and I accept, respectively.

"So," he says, when we're sitting in relative comfort, "How was this weekend? Levi?"

I'm glad he asked Levi first, so I can listen and tailor my own answer accordingly. It's not lying; it's being tactful.

"Pretty good, I think," Levi says, giving nothing away in his tone or expression. "We didn't fight about anything. We talked a little. It wasn't... normal," he adds. "But it felt a lot closer to normal than before, when we weren't facing up to it."

I nod, and when Erwin asks for my input I say, "It was good being back together. I think we're on the right track."

"What were your sleeping arrangements?"

I avoid their eyes because I'm still shy about this, even though I don't mind Erwin asking because I know why he is. I'm glad Levi answers.

"We slept together in the bedroom like before, but the contact has mostly been platonic."

"How do you feel about that?"

"It's not that I don't want more than that. I'm just... not sure what's appropriate anymore."

It's huge to hear Levi admit that he isn't sure of something. I feel the need to reach across and take his hand.

"What about you, Eren?" Erwin asks me.

I'm tempted to just reiterate what Levi said, but I force myself to be a little braver than that. "I feel like I'm ready," I say. "But I don't want to rush it and make things weird or artificial. And I'm not scared of him. I think now that I've seen him snap, I know my boundaries and the warning signs to look for, like you said."

Levi squeezes my hand. I hope the way I worded things hasn't made him upset, but he'd be the first to say I have every right to say whatever I want about what happened, because he brought it on himself.

Erwin is as good at reading Levi's subtle body language as I am, and he asks him, "What is it about what Eren said just now that you don't like?"

"Not to put too fine a point on it," Levi mutters before answering, "I wish he didn't have to have boundaries. He should be able to say what he's thinking without worrying that I'll hurt him."

"Yes and no," Erwin says, tilting his head to the side. "It's a little like the laws regarding provocation. No one has a right to injure anyone else, but neither does anyone have the right to provoke another into acts of violence. There are calm and peaceful ways to settle disagreements, and it definitely won't do any harm for Eren to work on that. On the other hand, if he becomes hostile toward you, do you think you might hurt him again?"

Levi looks down. "I wish I could say for certain that I wouldn't, but that's what I would have said before all this."

"No one can make a promise like that, though," I interject. "We can state our intentions all day, but the truth is, none of us really knows what we'll do until a situation comes up and we confirm them. Or we surprise ourselves and outdo or fail our expectations... right?"

Erwin is smiling at me. "I'm afraid that ultimately, you're right. So, I think the question becomes, is Levi worth the risk to you? Do you trust his intentions to carry him through, and if you think they might not, do you love him enough to stay with him?"

"That's not really what worries me," I say. "Maybe you'll think this is foolish, but I know I love him enough to stay with him. What I'm really worried about is that he'll get some stupid noble idea to leave me for my own good. _That's_ what freaks me out."

Levi rubs my hand with his thumb, still looking at the floor.

"Share your thoughts, Levi?" Erwin prompts.

"I think," Levi said slowly, "that if Eren truly wants me with him that much, then I'll stay with him regardless of what happens. But... if I hurt him again, something will have to change. I'm not sure what."

"I could keep you in handcuffs," I say, desperate to lighten the mood.

I see the corner of his mouth twitch, and I know I was successful.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Erwin says with a chuckle. "I mean, unless you like that kind of thing, but I won't pry." He glances at his watch. "Well, you two should get going. I'm going to say, go on staying together for now, and focus on rebuilding your bond. See me again tomorrow, and call day or night if you need anything."

We thank him and leave hand in hand.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading_ _—now I want to hear from you!  
_


	11. Getting Better

_October 10, 2017. I hit 100 views to this story. That's cool, but the lack of feedback is getting depressing.  
_

 _Starting in flashback. Remember to watch for the switch to present tense after a break._

* * *

Eleven: Getting Better

I got sick not long after Christmas. I was trying to muddle through work, but I wasn't doing a good job of faking healthy. Armin kept telling me I should go home. When I got back from a call about a counterfeit bill at a business, Armin sat me down and told me not to move. A minute later, Levi was in front of me.

"You sick?" the captain asked without preamble.

"I think I'm coming down with something," I said, planning to follow it up with "but I'm OK," but he cut me off.

"Go home."

I looked up at him with surprise.

"Don't give me that look. You've been working hard and you look like shit. You need rest and maybe some hot tea. I don't want you back here until you're feeling better. Understand?"

"Yes, sir," I said meekly.

"Arlert, you go, too. I want to make sure he gets home all right. If we need you, I'll call."

"Yes, sir," Armin echoed me.

As he turned away, I felt a little pat on my shoulder and heard Levi say quietly, "Get better."

 _I must be delirious,_ I thought.

Mikasa claims that all the time I was sick, I kept pestering Armin to tell me what I'd missed at work, and especially what the captain had done that day, and whether he had mentioned me, and even to ask him what kind of tea would help me get better. I don't remember it that way... but since I was out of work for three whole days, I do remember going a little stir crazy. And I do remember Armin coming home with a box of lemongrass and ginger tea that Levi had recommended.

When I was finally well enough to go back to the station, I didn't get a round of applause like Mike and Petra had when they returned, but of course I hadn't been wounded in the line of duty. Several people did come over to tell me they were glad to see me back, though, including Jean, which surprised me a little. I realized Marco still wasn't back. He had been in the hospital since Christmas.

"Any word on Marco?" I asked Jean.

"They say he's stable," Jean said, looking at his coffee cup instead of at me. "But... they're still keeping him in ICU. So, who knows."

I frowned in sympathy. "Has he woken up at all?"

"Yeah, but not while I was there."

Levi came out of his office then, and I had a mad impulse to go hug him. Fortunately, I maintained my position.

"Good to see you back, Jaeger," he said, holding out his hand to me.

Levi doesn't like shaking people's hands, especially when they are or have been sick. So, I hesitated a moment before taking his hand, not quite sure it was all right. "Thank you, sir... it's good to be back," I said.

"If you're up for it, I want to take you down to Merle street." Levi named the site of the Christmas shootout. Officers had done patrols there ever since, trying to help the community feel safe again, though a couple of families had moved away already.

"Yes, sir," I said immediately before remembering that I should probably let him know that I was still a little weak. "No foot chases for a while, but I'm OK for some walking around."

He nodded. "We'll take a patrol car. Meet me in the parking lot."

I was glad to be going somewhere with Levi again. It had been a while. I said goodbye to Armin and went to retrieve my coat.

* * *

"How are you feeling?" I ask Levi as he drives us to work.

He takes his time answering, but he puts his hand on the console for me to take. "I think... it's getting better," he said. "And I feel like it will keep getting better if we're careful."

I squeeze his hand, encouraged.

"We haven't really had a big test yet, though," he goes on. "Like you said, we can't know what will happen until... frankly, until we fight again."

"True, but I think we'll be more ready this time," I say. "Neither of us is the sort to make the same mistake twice."

"Not usually," he agrees.

When we're parked in Levi's reserved spot, I take my time getting out. I want to see if he'll come around and open my door. He does.

I smile up at him. "Thanks."

He nods and waits for me to get out before closing the door again. Then he holds out his hand to me again and I take it, holding his arm with the other hand. I'm half-smothering him, I know, but I've really missed being close with him.

I let go of his arm when we get to the door, and his hand when we reach the bullpen.

"Let's have lunch together," he says in parting.

"OK. Let me know when you're ready," I answer.

I watch him go to his office, and I think he looks better than he did last week—less tense. That makes me less tense, too.

"How's it going?" Armin asks as I get to his desk.

"OK," I tell him. "We saw Erwin this morning, and we're going again tomorrow."

"Good. You look better."

I nod. "Yeah, I'm not feeling sick like I was. Time with Levi and a dose of his cooking did the trick." I try to sound lighthearted.

"You should call Mikasa. She's worried about you."

"I'm sure." I grimace. "Is she still ready to kill Levi?"

"Hearing that you're doing better is sure to soften her up."

"Maybe."

I look up to see Levi returning from his office. He jerks his head toward my desk next to Jean's where the latter is seated.

"Gotta go," I say. I go to my desk.

"I've got a reported break-in," he says, and tells us the area where it took place. "You want to take this one?"

I look at Jean. "I'm game," I say.

Jean nods.

Levi gives us the necessary information and sends us on our way, like it's just another day at work.

* * *

The Merle street neighborhood looked very different from the last time I visited it. Windows had plastic over them. Doors had been patched up. The police line tape had been taken away after Hanji's team got done with the scene, but it still seemed like a crime scene in some ways. Kids peeked out of the windows, and parents pulled them away. Anyone outside hurried about their own business, but most of the residents were hidden away inside until we drove up.

Several adults and a few children came outside as we got out of the car. I listened as Levi made small talk with them—something he despised doing, even with people he liked. He asked if anything new had happened lately.

"Couple times, kids spotted some o' them tough guys hangin' around," one man said.

"Jimmy an' me seen 'em!" a kid piped up.

"Who?" Levi asked, eyes narrowing.

"Some o' them gang people," a woman supplied. "We don't know which one."

"We told your boys about it when they came by here," the man went on, "but they just drove by the place and went on."

"Where were they seen?" Levi asked. "And, was it more than once?"

"Half a dozen times, now," The woman said indignantly, "but there's always no sign of 'em when the po-po come."

I'm not used to the Merle street way of talking, so it was hard for me to follow, but I got the gist of what they were saying, and I could tell that Levi was taking them seriously.

"'Round the ol' mill building, mostly," the man said. "I'd show you... but I ain't goin' down there. Got so we don't let the kids go, even during the day."

"They've been seen in the daytime?"

"Couple times."

Levi nodded. "Jaeger and I will give it a closer look before we leave," he said.

I liked how he called me by my last name when we were out on police business, just as I liked it when he used my first name in his office. Out there, I felt like I was his soldier, and in private I felt like a friend.

I looked around while they went on talking. I noticed something else that hadn't been there the last time I came: a tarp covered what was probably some cardboard boxes, and on top of it were grouped some framed pictures, candles and flowers. The most prominent picture was of a young boy, and I knew this must be the child that had been killed in the shootout. It brought home how badly these people must want us to end the fighting, and to get some justice for the innocent people who were thrust into harm's way.

I came back to the conversation and heard the locals bidding us goodbye and wishing us safety.

"You come sometime when you're not on duty," the woman said, smiling at both of us.

"That's right," said the man. "You're welcome here anytime, Captain Levi."

Levi remained reserved yet gracious as ever, and led me back to the car.

It struck me suddenly that like these people, Yan's parents at the restaurant had also called Levi by his first name, just like we did at the station. I had rarely heard his last name come up since the interest in the weird coincidence that it was the same as Mikasa's last name. I thought it must mean that these people really trusted him, and thought of him as more than a policeman. It was ironic because so many people who didn't take the time to get to know him thought that he was heartless and snobby. But communities like this one—families of hard-working people—knew that Levi was a friend they could depend on.

I realized I'd been daydreaming about Levi a lot today. It might be time to admit I had a crush. But... it wasn't a _real_ crush, I led myself to believe—whatever that was. It was just a hero-worship phase, and it would pass. Of course, I'd been a fan of Levi's since before I got into the academy, but I chose not to dwell on that.

"You doing OK?" Levi asked as he parked near the old mill building that had stood empty and changed hands several times in the last few years.

I looked up. "Yeah," I said.

"Usually, I can't shut you up," he muttered. "Now you're quiet."

I blushed. "I've just got a lot on my mind." It was true enough.

We got out and looked around. On this end of the community, there were quite a few abandoned buildings with "for rent" signs out front, and lots of narrow alleys between them. Levi led the way through them confidently, as if he had walked the pattern before.

"Do you want to split up?" I asked. "It'll be quicker."

He shook his head. "If there are gang bangers hanging around here, we're safer together."

I somehow felt he was worried only for me, not himself, but I didn't allow myself to be offended.

We went on in silence until a sound stopped us both in our tracks. It sounded hollow, like something wooden hitting a thin layer of metal. It wasn't a particularly threatening sound, but it made me a little uneasy.

Levi leaned closer to me and whispered, "Take three steps, then stop."

I nodded to show I understood. We walked on and I counted in my head. _One, two, three._ We stopped at the same moment, and both heard another sound: footsteps on gravel, just one, two. Someone was nearby, and didn't want us to know. With all the buildings crowded around, and all the little lanes between them, I was very unsure about which direction the sound came from, but Levi seemed confident that it was ahead of us, not behind.

* * *

"Armin won't tell me what's up with you and Levi," Jean says on the way to the break-in scene. "I asked Mikasa, and she said she wasn't at liberty to say. So... you wanna tell me, or do I have to investigate you?"

I know he's exaggerating, but I also know he's not going to let it go easily. "Levi and I are good," I say, not lying, but having no desire to spill the truth.

"Come on. You've been acting weird since you came in with a split lip—when was that, two weeks ago? That's a long time to act weird, even for you."

I half smile. "Establishing a time frame... that's a good start to your investigation."

"Shut up. I'm serious."

"I know you are, and I appreciate that you're being a good friend."

"Damn straight, I am. I think the fact that I waited this long to ask proves that much, but the time to wait has passed. Frankly, I'm worried that you guys might be talking quits, and that wouldn't be good."

"No?"

"No. Not for any of us. In your own nutso way, you two are good for each other, and therefore good for the rest of us. Or, you were until two weeks ago."

I feel a little guilty at that, even though I know it's not my fault. I feel bad that the rest of our colleagues have probably noticed the tension and been worried for us. "Neither of us wants to split up," I say firmly. "So, you can stop worrying about that."

"OK..." He does look a little relieved, but still curious. "Can I just ask you..."

I shake my head, afraid he's going to ask directly if Levi hurt me. I won't be able to lie to him, and he'll start the string of questions all over again. "Please, drop it, Jean. I really appreciate you trying to look out for me, and I'm sorry I can't explain. But we're OK. Things have gotten a lot better already."

He sighs a sigh that says he's still frustrated, but that he's going to let me win, at least for now. "All right. But you can tell me if you need help, OK?"

Jean has rarely gone so far as to offer me help on such a personal level, and I'm touched. "OK. Thank you."

* * *

 _Cliffhanger in the flashback... I'll pick that up next time. Please follow/favorite/comment.  
_


	12. Outnumbered

_Still a dismal lack of feedback, but there's a new follow, so that's something._

 _Starting with a nice long section in flashback, to make up for the cliff-hanger. :p This update on 10/14/2017  
_

* * *

Twelve: Outnumbered

I wanted to think what we heard was just a neighborhood kid sneaking around for the fun of it, but I remembered the man we had spoken to saying with certainty that they didn't allow the kids in this area anymore, even in the daytime. I steeled myself, trying to get ready in case we encountered an armed hostile. I didn't check my gun until I saw Levi's hand drop to unfasten his holster; then I did the same.

I was extra conscious of the fact that I still wasn't feeling completely well. If we had to run, I wouldn't be able to keep up. If it came to a fist fight, I would definitely be in trouble.

We hadn't moved since hearing the footsteps, and Levi was listening intently. Finally, he reached back to me; touched my wrist lightly. "Radio in our position," he said.

I got out my radio, glad that my hands were still steady. This might be nothing. No need for alarm yet. I radioed our dispatcher and let him know where we were, using jargon wherever possible to deliver my message more efficiently. The dispatcher told us to report back within ten minutes, or as soon as we had cleared the area.

We moved forward again, and when we turned the next corner to our right, I found that we were in a little rectangle between buildings. It was an accidental shape left when buildings of various size were built around it at different points in the neighborhood's history. The four alleys went off from the corners almost in a swastika pattern. Across this clearing, maybe twenty feet from us, stood a young man. He was leaning on the building behind him and looked unconcerned.

"Good morning," Levi said, but there was no cordiality in his voice.

"Good morning," the other answered, and I couldn't tell if he repeated the same words in a similar pitch to mock Levi, or if he was being genuine.

Although we were both in uniform, Levi took out his badge as he said, "What's your name?"

"You can call me Smoke," the young man said, taking a cigarette from the pocket of his leather jacket, as if it were his ID, and putting into his mouth.

"You live around here?" Levi asked.

"Around," 'Smoke' said unhelpfully.

I heard something and looked behind us to see two more men coming into the open space. I was starting to think our wandering in here hadn't been an accidental meeting. "Two more," I told Levi, who hadn't looked.

He nodded minutely and said in a voice so low I could barely hear him, "Radio it and watch my six."

I had heard the term "I got your six" from a radio ad about supporting our troops. I vaguely wondered where Levi had picked it up as I looked back at the newcomers and started to reach for my radio.

Maybe if I hadn't been sick and a little overwhelmed, my reflexes would have been faster, but even so, I'm not sure what I could have done differently. Before my hand was halfway to my radio, the nearest stranger to me reached behind himself like lightning and pulled out a gun. He didn't aim it at me, but at the ground in front of me. I thought that meant he didn't want to hurt us if it wasn't necessary, and that turned out to be true, but what I didn't think of right away was that it wasn't because he was nervous—it was because he was well-trained.

"Suppose you two drop those belts," Smoke said, as if nothing had happened and he were just shooting the breeze with us.

When Levi began unbuckling his gun belt, I did the same.

"Very nice," said Smoke. "My boss would like to see you, _captain Levi,_ " he said, and there was something besides sarcasm in his tone, but I couldn't quite place it.

"I'm a little busy right now," Levi said. "There's a gang war going on."

I wished I were as cool as him. Nothing seemed to get to him.

"I'm sorry, but I gotta insist. If you stay around here, your little friend there could get absent-minded and start... losing things. So to speak."

I'd never been threatened in this way before. It felt creepy. I wondered how many minutes had gone by since I talked to dispatch.

Levi took only a few seconds to assess the situation. "I'll go with you," he said, "but on two conditions."

"You're not in a position to make demands!" said the one facing me who had not drawn the gun.

"Chill," said Smoke. To Levi, he added in a light tone, "Him, you can call 'Steam.'"

I saw the other guy was pretty ticked off at that, which only drove home how appropriate the nickname was.

"What are these conditions?"

"First, you leave my subordinate here. You can tie him up, gag him if you want—just as long as you don't hurt him."

"Touching. And the second?"

I wanted to interrupt, to say there was no way in hell they were taking Levi somewhere without me, but before I could form a sentence in my mind, Levi was talking again.

"Second, I'll go quietly if you can beat me in a fight."

What was this? I decided Levi must just be stalling for time. But once the ten minutes were up, then dispatch would try to contact us. These goons would hear them asking us if anything was wrong... at best, they'd run off and escape. At worst, the pressure of possible backup coming might up their aggression level. They might even decide to kill us right there.

"If I win," Levi was saying, "you'll have to kill me to get me to your boss. And I'm guessing he doesn't want to see me dead. Not yet, anyway."

How did Levi know their boss was a he? If they were Titans, their boss was still technically Annie, wasn't it? But I realized they didn't look like the typical Titans. They looked athletic, but not tall or very heavy. Smoke had a shaved head and a little tattoo near his eye, which was gutsy for someone intending to pursue a criminal career. Face tattoos made you easy to identify.

"I don't know about this," the unnamed one said to Smoke. "It's not what we planned."

"The boss does want him alive," Smoke admitted. "And he never said we had to bring anyone else. You thinking you can take me in a fist fight?" he asked Levi.

I could hear the smirk in Levi's voice. "Oh, I meant all three of you. But yes, a hand-to-hand fight."

My mind was screaming. _What the hell do you think you're doing? You may be good and really strong and crap, but you're small and three against one is never a good idea!_

"Rules of the fight?" Smoke asked as the other two goons grinned, clearly thinking they would have an easy win.

"Street rules," Levi answered calmly. "Anything goes, but no weapons of any kind."

"And he stays out of it?"

I couldn't see Smoke at the moment, but I knew he meant me.

"Yes."

"You are effing crazy. But I agree."

Levi took my arm and forcibly walked me toward the longest wall surrounding us.

"Levi," I said urgently.

"There's no time," he cut me off. "If you run or try to interfere, they'll see it as a breach of the terms we just agreed to. They'll probably kill you, and they'll never trust me again."

"They trust you now?" I asked, bordering on hysterical. "Who are these guys?"

"There are things you don't know," Levi said sharply. "Assuming we get out of this all right, I'll tell you about it, but for now I need your word: You won't try to run or interfere. Promise me."

The unnamed man was moving our belts to the opposite side of the clearing where they would be out of the way. I tried to swallow the fearful lump growing in my throat. "You can't fight them all at once," I started.

The look he gave me could have withered kudzu. "Promise," he repeated.

I felt like I was going to faint or throw up at this point. There was no good option. All I could do was try to trust him. "Y-yes, sir."

He put his hand on my shoulder for a moment. "Good man," he said. Then he turned away from me, took two long strides back toward the middle of the clearing, and punched Steam in the gut.

* * *

I let Jean take the lead when we question the single mom who reported the break-in. I'm still pretty distracted by our visit with Erwin that morning, and eager to have lunch with Levi later on. I manage to keep my head in it enough to take good notes while the lady leads us around and Jean asks questions about the things she points out.

"I didn't call right away, because I didn't want Jay to be scared, especially since he has school today," she explains. "But I did as soon as he got on the bus."

"That's understandable," I say. Then I'm off thinking about kids again, and after a while, it's time to go. We give her our station's switchboard number and our desk extensions before going, telling her she can call if anything else happens, or if she thinks of something that could help.

"It's sad when crap happens to single moms," I say as we get back into the squad car.

"It's sad when crap happens, period," Jean says.

"Yeah, but you know what I mean. She's already got to do everything on her own—then she gets robbed."

"It sucks. But burglars don't usually abandon a target for the sympathy card."

"But they do for the 'poor card,'" I say, realizing I might be on to something. "You know, she's not rich or anything. They took some obvious stuff that any burglar would, but they missed other things. What if it was actually someone she knows? Maybe they had another motive to break in."

"Guess we should go back and ask her the 'known enemies' questions," Jean says with a sigh. He doesn't want to go back and bother her again, or take the time with a witness he thought he was done questioning.

I check the time. "Eh, how about if we just call her from the station," I say. "We don't really need to be there, right?"

"I guess not." He brightens a little. "OK, we'll call."

I'm happier that way, too. Now I'm sure not to be late for lunch with Levi, as long as we don't get sent out again in the near future.

* * *

They were all startled by Levi's sudden attack, and, doubled over in pain, Steam was defenseless against the kick Levi gave him to the groin. One down, and they were only a few seconds into the fight.

Of course, Smoke and the other guy were the more experienced ones, and instead of running at them, Levi let them come to him. As they began jabbing at him experimentally, Levi dodged like some kind of wild animal, his smaller size giving him maneuverability. I was afraid they would back him into a wall, but he always somehow found an opening to lead them away from it again.

"Stop running away!" the unnamed one complained, but Levi refused to be baited and Smoke just smiled grimly, seeming to be catching on to Levi's strategy. The larger men were expending a lot of energy and getting nowhere.

Finally, the unnamed man got tired of trying to hit Levi and went for a kick instead. It seemed to be what Levi had been waiting for. He took a small step back and smacked the other man's ankle away with his hand, causing the would-be kicker to land off balance and turned away enough for Levi to move in and punch his lower back. I knew that had to hurt. Down he went, though he wasn't done, and Levi couldn't finish him, because Smoke was coming in with fists flying.

Levi dodged the first fist and managed to block the second, though the sound of their arms colliding made me wince. Then Levi feinted an attack before backing away again, back to his strategic retreating.

Smoke didn't press him hard, having caught on that chasing Levi was a waste of energy. He bided his time, circling slowly. The two of them tried to fake each other out several times. I was so distracted that I didn't see the unnamed one getting up until he was almost back over to them. I nearly yelled to warn Levi, but remembered my promise at the last moment. I would hate to see him lose this fight, but I knew they wouldn't kill him. I could have no such confidence for myself if I interfered.

Fortunately, Levi spotted him in time to dodge, and received only a glancing blow to the head that seemed to hurt his attacker's hand as much as it did him. He literally somersaulted to the side, and the other guy wasn't quick enough to do anything but follow him. Levi was back on his feet in an instant. He faked a punch to the stomach with his right fist, and then his left landed on the guy's nose. Blood went all over the place, and it was pretty clear that guy number two was out of the fight.

Once it was one-on-one, things went differently. I realized that Levi had actually been a genius to suggest fighting all three of them. They weren't used to fighting three-against-one. They had gotten in each other's way a lot, allowing Levi to lead them on a chase that tired and frustrated them, while he barely broke a sweat. Now that it was down to just Smoke, the thug was pretty winded and starting to get psyched out by the defeat of his cohorts. Here in the last few minutes, Levi's dodges seemed to get slower, like he was tiring, and he took some minor hits. But then I realized he was letting Smoke hit him. He was making smaller dodges to save more energy. He acted like the bruising he received was nothing, which unnerved Smoke even more.

When his opening finally came, Levi swung his fist around and landed a hard one Smoke's ear, making him yelp. He put his arms up to block more attacks to his face as he backed away to recover, but Levi just aimed his punches lower, getting him in the stomach a couple of times before he darted back again to reassess his enemy.

Smoke made a last desperate attack, but Levi dodged him more easily than ever and slipped in to stomp on Smoke's foot, causing him to cry out a second time. Levi hooked his leg around Smoke's good one and jerked back. He was on the ground. Levi had won.

* * *

 _Levi three, thugs zero. Please spare a moment to comment. Thanks!  
_


	13. Complicated History

_10/18/2017_

 _Thanks for a new review at last, warriorcatsrule42! I appreciate your comments.  
_

* * *

Thirteen: Complicated History

"He never said we were starting," Steam complained.

Smoke was doing an admirable job of pretending not to be in excruciating pain. "He said 'anything goes.' Last time I checked, starting with no warning is part of 'anything.'"

Levi walked across the open space toward our discarded belts, pausing by the unnamed foe who was nursing his bleeding (and probably broken) nose. "If you want a nickname for this one," he said idly, "you might choose 'Ash' to go with the theme you've got going... looks like he's burned out."

I thought Levi was really pushing his luck, but no one seemed ready to retaliate.

"Does that make you the flame?" Smoke asked with a sarcastic smile.

"Tch."

He reached the belts just as a voice crackled over the radio. _"Officer Jaeger? What's your status? Come in, please."_

The fight—everything—it had all happened in less than ten minutes. It seemed like so much longer.

Levi picked up his own radio. "Captain Levi speaking. Ten-twenty-six. Jaeger and I will be returning to the station momentarily."

 _"Copy that, Captain. Over and out."_

He looked back at Smoke. "I told them it's all clear. I want it to stay that way. These people have been through enough."

"I'll pass the word along," Smoke answered. It was the best we could expect.

Levi strapped his belt on and brought mine back to me. "Come on," he said quietly. "Don't look back."

I did as I was told, though it was difficult not to steal a look over my shoulder. When we were around a corner, I opened my mouth to ask a question.

"Don't talk."

I shut my mouth again.

Finally, when we were back in the squad car, I burst. "That was freaking incredible!" was the first thing that came out. "You were like One Punch Man!"

He was frowning as he put on his seat belt. "OK," he said flatly. Clearly he didn't know what I was talking about.

"Are we really letting them go?" I asked.

"We made a deal. I won, so I don't have to go with them."

"You didn't say you wouldn't arrest them."

"At least one of them has a gun, and there are innocent people nearby. You want to go back and try? Put your seat belt on."

I buckled up. "Well, isn't it procedure to..."

"We're not following procedure on this."

There was something in his voice I hadn't heard before, and it made me uneasy. I had to ask, "How do you know them?"

"I don't know them personally," he said. "But they're an offshoot from a gang I used to work with."

"You mean undercover?"

He shook his head. "No."

I had heard that Levi was on the wrong side of the law once upon a time, but I had also heard that he was the son of the missing Czar Alexander, so I hadn't put much stock in the idea. Besides, there was nothing in his record about it... I'd checked.

"I'm not going to make an official report about this, but I will call the commissioner and tell him what happened," Levi said.

I relaxed a little. If Erwin thought it was all right, then everything would be fine. "OK. Levi? What do you mean, you used to work with them?"

He was quiet so long that I thought he wasn't going to answer me. Then he said, "If you want to hear the whole story, come to my office when your shift ends."

I was far too curious not to take him up on it. Besides, it sounded so... intimate. "OK," I said again.

* * *

Lunchtime finally here, I go to Levi's office. We didn't have time to pack lunches this morning, so we have to decide where to go eat.

"Subway?" I suggest. I know he isn't fond of greasy fast food, but we don't want to wait a long time, so I figure a deli-style place is a good compromise.

"That will work," he says.

We walk out together, and I'm glad everyone can see us. I've felt so self-conscious lately, wondering if people are noticing that we're not doing stuff together much. I don't think of them as nosy so much as concerned, and I don't want them to be concerned. They are my friends as well as my coworkers.

I take his hand again when we get to the lobby. There are a couple of people waiting for appointments, or filling out paperwork. One or two of them do a double take when they see us. Yes, two male cops holding hands. I guess it's a weird sight. I probably would have thought so too, a couple of years ago.

Levi drives us to Subway and we place our orders. Levi tries to pay for both, but this time I don't let him. He gets quiet for a while, his blank face turning to a slight frown. It's the closest he gets to full-on pouting. But it doesn't last long. Soon, he's distracted by the task of scrutinizing the booths to try to select the one that looks cleanest. He makes his decision and we sit down.

"I'm starving," I exaggerate as I unwrap my sandwich. The food smells great and I tear into it.

"What do you think of the break-in?" Levi asks before taking a somewhat more refined bite of his own sandwich.

"Mm... not sure," I say, trying to speak clearly without opening my mouth too wide. I swallow and go on. "It doesn't seem like a professional job."

"Kids?"

"Maybe. Or we thought it could be someone who knows the lady and wanted to break into her house for some personal reason."

"Consider all angles," Levi says in agreement.

We fall silent and my mind starts to wander. I think about things I'd like to do with Levi. I'd like to ride a motorcycle with him again. But we can't just take one of the police bikes for no reason.

"I want to get a motorcycle," I say.

He frowns just slightly, thrown by my random declaration.

Now that I'm thinking about stuff I want, I throw in, "And a dog."

"This _is_ the time to ask for stuff... while I'm feeling guilty," Levi says.

I think it's a good sign that he can be sarcastic about it. "Well, I want to ride it with you," I start.

"The dog?"

I snort. "No, the motorcycle. And I think a dog would be nice." _It would be normal._

"I'll think about it," he says. "The motorcycle is up to you. Or did you want me to help pay for it?"

"No... I mean, you'd be welcome to use it, so if you want to help pay for it, that's fine. But you don't have to."

"Guess I'll think about that, too."

We're done eating, and he's getting out his chewing gum. He's not big on gum for its own sake, but he likes to have fresh breath. He hesitates a moment while unwrapping a stick and looks up at me.

I give him a little smile. A while back we came up with this thing—I was probably the one to start it—and I know what he's thinking. He unwraps the gum, puts it in his mouth so the middle is between his lips, and leans toward me. I meet him over the table and bite off half of the stick. It's not exactly a kiss, though our lips do touch a little. But it's the closest we've come to a real kiss for a while. I want to give him a real kiss, a hug, anything, but he won't appreciate that kind of display in a place like this. Not while things are still tense, anyway. I have to take what I can get.

He collects our garbage and takes it to the garbage can. Then we walk back to the car. We've finished early.

"Want to sit outside a while when we get back?" I ask.

"OK."

In the car, I put my hand on the console between us; after a moment, he takes it. He starts running his fingers up and down mine, across my palm like he wants to memorize it. One more step toward normal.

* * *

Waiting for the day to end was torture, but finally I made my way to Levi's office. He had a couple of ice packs on his desk and was holding one to his shoulder when I went in. So, he wasn't invulnerable after all. I felt a little guilty, because he had taken that damage partly in my protection.

"Close the door and have a seat," Levi told me.

I did as he said, and he made me pull my chair right up to his desk so we could talk more quietly. Then he began telling me about things he hadn't told anyone in years. I wasn't sure why he was OK telling it to me—maybe he wasn't sure either. But I lost all track of time as I processed the story.

Levi's mother had died in poverty in New Orleans when Levi was very young. He hadn't known how to take care of himself, so he had just stayed by her body, hoping she would eventually revive. That was the state in which his uncle found him.

Kenny Ackerman was a military man, and I guessed that was where Levi picked up "watch my six." He hadn't been the best of fathers, but he had taught Levi self-sufficiency. Unfortunately, left to his own devices, Levi took to a life of crime. He gained quite an impressive little following, with two friends in particular who became like a brother and sister to him. Yan joined them in many of their escapades, but his legs were beginning to fail him.

One night, a well-dressed man came to Levi with an offer. Levi didn't like working for other people, so he tried brushing him off. The man said he had already paid Levi for the job he was proposing. He had arranged for Yan to go to a specialist in California, one who was sure to correct Yan's problem for good. This kindness was also a veiled threat: If Levi didn't cooperate, he had no way of finding Yan again, or knowing what might happen to him. He took the job.

Before I could process the information about Yan, Levi revealed that the job itself was to assassinate Erwin. "What?" I asked, totally mind-blown.

"Erwin was an up-and-coming captain then," Levi said. "This man wanted someone else to become commissioner. Someone he could control."

"And did you... try to kill him?" I couldn't believe I was asking that.

"I tried my damnedest," Levi said, with a tiny tug at one corner of his mouth.

As far as I knew, Erwin was Levi's best friend. This was a very complicated history, to say the least.

He went on to explain how he and his friends, Farlan and Isabel, had allowed themselves to be caught by Erwin and his team. Levi had wanted to leave his friends out of it, but they wouldn't be parted from him. They all played hardball until Erwin eventually offered them a deal. They could get their records wiped clean if they agreed to go through the academy training program and use their knowledge of the local gangs to help bring them down. Levi made a show of deciding with his friends, and then agreed.

I could only imagine what Levi was like in the academy. From what he said, he and his friends whizzed through all the technical stuff: shooting, hand-to-hand, defense against someone with a knife, etc. Their experience on the street had taught them all of that already, and they far outclassed the other students, who already really despised and excluded them. They did all right with the written stuff too; Farlan in particular had made a study of the ins and outs of the laws that concerned them to better know exactly how much they could get away with, and how big a risk they were taking on each job. He might have become a pretty slick, crooked lawyer one day, but it wasn't to be.

After graduating from the academy, Levi helped the police set up an ambush to catch a group of Titans by surprise. They were one gang he had never worked with directly, but it wasn't too hard to use his reputation to get their cooperation. He planned to use the confusion of the ambush to kill Erwin and blame it on the Titans. Instead of staying with his friends, he sneaked away to the location Erwin had chosen for himself.

Shooting broke out before he could find Erwin. When he arrived at his captain's self-assigned vantage point, there was no sign of him. After a while, he decided to get to the scene of the action and hope to have an opportunity in the thick of things.

What he found was a massacre. The Titans had sent far more members than he had expected, and his friends, well-trained though they were, were among the fallen. Someone was still shooting, but for a moment he stood out in the open, just staring at his friends' bodies, riddled with bullets. Then, as he put it in a voice uncharacteristically tight, he lost his head.

He ran screaming across the open space as if bullets couldn't harm him. He dove into one Titan's hiding place and emptied his gun into the hapless individual. Then he moved on to the next place he had heard gunfire, changing out his clip as he went. He managed not to spend his whole clip the second time, but ran out again on the third Titan. He passed the empty gun to his left hand and drew a knife from his belt. Clubbing with the gun and stabbing savagely, he took out his fourth victim. Panting raggedly, he listened, but no more gunfire came. No sound. Then footsteps.

He whirled around to face Erwin, his hands, clothes and even his face spotted with blood. In his mind, this was all Erwin's fault. Erwin's fault for not cooperating with the gangs, for needing to be replaced, for necessitating his assassination, for getting him to arrange this ambush, for taking his friends on the mission, for getting them killed. For letting them die. His friends were dead.

"Are you the only one left?" Erwin had asked him. "You're pathetic."

Levi lost what little rationale he had regained and ran at Erwin. He couldn't be expecting it, and he didn't have a weapon drawn. Levi was sure he could pull this off. But Erwin surprised him by easily dodging his frenzied attack and then drawing his own knife.

Levi didn't describe the fight to me in detail, but I think it lasted less than a minute, as fights often do. People think a fight should go on for a good couple of minutes, because that's what they see on TV, but the truth is that most fights are over very quickly if they're not regulated by a referee. Anyway, Erwin was the victor.

Disarmed and helpless, Levi spat out his plan to Erwin, told him he was only there to kill him. And to add insult to injury, Erwin answered that he had known it all the time. He had known about the plot to kill him, known that was why Levi allowed himself to be caught, and he'd let him go through the academy just to buy time until his team could secretly take out Levi's employer. He was in custody already.

Apparently, Levi had quite a breakdown then. He felt his friends had died for nothing, and that he was responsible for it. He wanted to die.

I had already teared up by that point in the story, and now my tears spilled over. I couldn't imagine my captain in such a state of despair. I couldn't believe there were people in my precinct who still thought he was heartless.

Erwin didn't press charges against Levi for trying to kill him. He didn't so much as reprimand him. In fact, he told him he could keep the badge if he wanted to be useful to the community, or he could go back to his little criminal following. It was his choice.

Needless to say, Levi chose the badge, and he's never thought of giving it up again... until a couple of weeks ago.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it.  
_


	14. Say Goodbye

_10/22/2017_

 _Thanks for your review, Namelessghoul! I really appreciate your comments._

 _Some strongish language in this one, and trigger warning: funeral. (Don't worry, I'm not killing off Levi.) It gets quite macabre, which I blame a bit on it being almost Halloween, but there is a point to it.  
_

* * *

Fourteen: Say Goodbye

"So, those guys today," I said when Levi paused.

"I believe they work for a man I used to do business with," Levi said. "That would be the boss they mentioned. But regardless of who he is, I don't care to see him again on his terms."

"Yeah, I don't blame you. I'm sure every gang in the district knows you're a cop now."

"Undoubtedly."

"But—oh my gosh—Yan. The operation was successful, right? So his mom meant it literally when she said he walked because of you," I said, feeling stupid for not putting that together sooner.

"I guess that's the over-simplified version of the story he told them. I decided go with however much or little he wanted to share."

"Does he even know..."

Levi shook his head. "I believe all he was told was that I had something to do with the arrangements—that it was payment for a job. But we haven't been in touch much. I take it I can trust you to keep all this to yourself."

"Yes, sir." It might be hard not to tell Armin and Mikasa about all I had seen and heard that day, but I would try my best for him.

"Good. You'd better get home now."

I looked at my phone and saw that I had some texts waiting. I'd normally have been home an hour ago. "Shoot. Yeah." I stood. "I'll see you tomorrow, captain."

He nodded to me and I left his office, dialing Mikasa as I went. She was going to be so ticked off.

* * *

We sit on a bench outside the station and he holds my hand again. I lean my head on his shoulder and I feel him nuzzle against me. I think he kisses my head, but it's hard to tell through my hair.

"We're getting better," I say quietly.

"Mm."

Sometimes I want to tell him he needs to be more expressive, but I know it won't do any good, and will probably frustrate him. I press myself closer to his side. He's rubbing his fingertips across my palm. I guess he is being expressive, just not the way most people are. If I pay attention, I can feel the affection through his fingertips and know that this moment is as important to him as it is to me.

"I love you," I say.

He hesitates only a moment. "Love you, too."

I tilt my face toward him and briefly press my lips to his neck. I'm not trying to turn him on, just to get a little closer to him because I can't hug him right now.

I definitely feel him kiss my forehead this time. It's a gesture that's often driven home how much older he is, that he's the leader and protector in my life. I've never felt annoyed or patronized by it, though I definitely would if it came from certain other people.

I rest my head on his shoulder again and listen for the sound of his breathing between cars passing and people walking through the parking lot. I don't really want to go back inside.

Almost as soon as I think that he says, "We should go in." But he doesn't move to get up.

"Mhm," I say, but I don't move either.

* * *

A couple of mornings after our encounter with Smoke and his goons, I was chatting with Armin over a cup of coffee. I hadn't given him or Mikasa a very good excuse for being so late getting home the other day, but they had given up asking about it.

Someone said Erwin had been in Levi's office for a while, and we were wondering why.

"Either it was some little thing and then they got talking about other stuff," Armin speculated, stirring his coffee, "or we're going to get an announcement."

"What kind of announcement?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I dunno. Have you broken regulations lately?"

I snorted. "No. Have you?" But I couldn't help thinking about that three-to-one fight. Levi had said he would tell Erwin about it, but I figured he'd done that right after it happened.

Finally, Erwin and Levi both emerged from the office, and most of us shamelessly looked their way.

"Could I have everyone's attention, please?" Erwin called, and anyone who hadn't been looking did now. "I have some bad news."

I braced myself. Maybe the Titans or some other gang had gone back to the Merle Street community. Maybe Smoke had gotten angry about losing the fight and done something drastic.

"Early this morning," Erwin said, "Marco Bodt passed away."

I sat stunned while quiet gasps were heard around the room. Marco. Optimistic, helpful, freckle-faced Marco. He'd been in the hospital so long, I had gotten used to the idea that eventually he would get better. I'd actually stopped worrying about him much. I felt the familiar sense of guilt like a large stone sitting in my stomach.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jean leave his desk and slink back along the edge of the room. I looked to Levi and saw that his eyes were following Jean; then they locked on mine. I'm not sure how, but I knew he wanted me to go after Jean. I quietly left my seat, giving Armin a pat on the shoulder as I passed.

I had to hurry. Jean must have picked up speed once he was out of the bullpen. I caught sight of him as I got to the lobby and jogged across to the door. I gained on him in the parking lot. He was heading for his car.

"Jean," I called.

"Leave me alone, Jaeger," he said, not looking back.

"No," I answered. I didn't have much of a plan. I was still in shock myself, and I wouldn't be out there if Levi hadn't sent me. "You shouldn't be alone."

"I'm not going to frigging kill myself, OK?" He reached his car and yanked the door open.

I ran around behind it as he started the engine.

"Move!" he barked out the window.

"No," I repeated.

"Goddam it, I will run you over!"

"Go ahead!" I was getting angry for some stupid reason.

Jean started calling me some names I don't care to repeat. He put the car back in park and burst out of it. In a couple of steps he was in front of me, grabbing my jacket, shaking me, using some very colorful language.

I didn't try to get away. I considered slapping him, but instead just stared at him until he ran out of steam. He wasn't shaking me anymore, but I could still feel trembles coming down through his hands to my shoulders. "Jean," I said, but I found my voice didn't want to go any further than that, and I suddenly felt my eyes filling with tears. The exhaust from his car made the cold air smell sulfuric. I hadn't put my coat on and I was starting to shake, too.

"They killed him," Jean said. "One of those Titan bastards killed him." He gave me one more little shake and then slammed me into the back of the car.

A moment later, I realized he wasn't trying to hurt me... he was crushing me in an awkward, grief-driven hug.

I sniffed. "Are you sure it was a Titan? There were a couple of gangs there..."

"Ymir said so. I want to kill them all."

It was a rash thing to say, but I knew exactly how it felt to say those words. "Me, too," I said, and I hugged him back. Jean, the captain and me—we all wanted all of the Titans dead. But we all knew better than to think it would end that way.

I think we both cried a little, and then he went and turned his car off and promised he wouldn't leave. He didn't want to go back in with me, but it seemed like he'd be all right.

"Get inside before you freeze to death. You won't tell anyone..." he started.

I shook my head. I wasn't eager to tell anyone about seeing my colleague break down, or about breaking down with him. "Come in when you're ready," I said, and walked away.

* * *

Inside, Armin filled me in on the rest of Erwin's announcement. The precinct would be sending a card and flowers to Marco's family, and helping to pay for the funeral.

"Are you OK?" I asked. Armin looked like he'd been crying.

He shrugged. "I guess. How's Jean?"

"I don't know." I sighed. "Sad. Pissed off. So am I. Think we'll be able to go to the funeral?"

"Yeah... Erwin said the junior officers would be excused from active duty for the funeral, since we knew him better than the older officers did."

Jean came back in and returned to his desk.

I excused myself from Armin, went over to Jean and saw that he looked calmer now. "There's a card at the bulletin board," I told him. "Everyone's signing it."

"OK."

"We'll be allowed to go to the funeral if we want."

He nodded.

I sat down beside him and looked at the computer I habitually used; its screen saver had come up. I nudged the mouse and my desk top came back on the screen. "Jean..."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"OK, but..." I hesitated, trying to choose the best words possible. "I'll be your regular partner if you want me to."

I saw his jaw muscles move and he waited a few seconds before saying, "You know he was the only reason I stayed in this place."

"I know... But, isn't he still a reason to stay?"

He closed his eyes and was quiet longer than before. "I'll think about it," he said at last.

* * *

I met Marco's parents for the first time at the funeral. It didn't surprise me that they were two of the sweetest-seeming people I'd ever come across. I remembered Marco saying Christmas was hard for some people. He'd said it on Christmas Eve, the day before he'd been shot. Christmas was going to be so hard for his parents next year. I determined to send them a letter or at least a card when it came around.

Jean hadn't met them yet either, though Marco had told them about him, and vice versa.

"He spoke well of you," Marco's mother told Jean.

"He was the best of us," Jean told her, looking down. "We didn't get to work together very long, but... he was a good partner. I think he would have taken that bullet for me if he'd had a choice. Wish I could have taken it for him."

Mrs. Bodt hugged Jean and cried on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Her husband shook Jean's hand with both of his and thanked him.

"Tell me if I can do anything," Jean told them.

I was at the open casket with Armin, pretending not to listen in on all this. I thought it was kind of creepy how lifelike morticians made corpses look. Marco seemed like he was just asleep, and in better health than I had last seen him. I was tempted to touch him, but I knew better. _That's not him anymore,_ I told myself. _It's just where he used to live. It's time to say goodbye._

I heard Armin sigh quietly and when I glanced at him I saw tears on his face. I put my arm around him. "You want to tell him anything?" I asked, barely above a whisper.

He nodded. "A lot of stuff. But it's too late now."

"Too late for him to hear it," I agreed, thinking for the hundredth time that I'd been a fool not to tell my mother I loved her. "But that doesn't mean it won't do any good to say it."

He leaned his head on my shoulder a while and then spoke in a voice lower than his usual pitch. "You're a really great guy, Marco. I hope you knew how much I appreciated you, and how much we all liked you. I hope you're somewhere happy now."

When I was sure he was done, I added, "I wish we'd gotten to know you better. Jean was right—you were the best of us." I sort of patted the side of the coffin, as if it were part of him; then I led Armin a few steps away so Jean could be alone with his partner.

"Poor Jean," Armin whispered. "We all thought he was getting better..."

"I know. It sucks."

Mikasa, who had gone through the receiving line earlier, rejoined us now. "Are you staying for the graveside service or the wake?" she asked us.

"I'm a pallbearer," I said. "But you guys can go on home if you want."

"I'll wait for you," said Armin. "But I think I'd rather not go to the wake. I don't know what to say to the people we don't know, and the other cops... well, we've already said everything to them, right?"

"Yeah. I probably won't stay for that."

"I'll wait, too," said Mikasa. "I've got the day off."

When the last of the receiving line had filed out, I waited in the foyer with the other pallbearers while Marco's immediate family took their last leave of him. The casket was closed when we reentered the room.

Jean and I walked at the head of the coffin, our arms crossing underneath it and our hands resting on each other's shoulders. Four of our colleagues came behind us. Outside, away from the music of the funeral parlor, I found I had the Cowboy's Lament stuck in my head, which really didn't fit Marco. Sure, there were six guys carrying his coffin, and though we might be taking him to some sort of "green valley" to lay the sod o'er him, Marco was anything but a guilt-ridden and repentant ne'er-do-well.

All things considered, Marco had lived a good life, and he'd done it before his twenty-first birthday. In that way, I envied him. I decided I needed to try harder, to do all I could as fast as I could, because I didn't know how long I, or any of my loved ones, had left to live. It was a lesson I should have learned when my mom died. I hadn't been the friend to Marco that I wished I had.

The hearse conveyed the coffin to the cemetery where the Bodts had a family plot. It was fortunate that we hadn't gotten much snow, and the cemetery employed a backhoe to dig the graves when the ground was frozen. The six of us carried the coffin to the grave site where it rested on ropes above the open ground until it was time for us to lower it down.

 _Goodbye, Marco. I'm going to try to do better for you._

When we stepped back from the grave, I put my arm around Jean's shoulders. He tensed a little, but then he relaxed again. He didn't try to move away or shake my arm off. Any other time, he'd have been ticked off; but today, it seemed, anything was allowed.

He walked back to the parking lot with me, Armin and Mikasa, and told us he wasn't going to the wake.

"Do you want to come home with us?" Mikasa asked, her breath steaming in the cold air.

I was surprised when he didn't decline immediately. "I don't know," he said, glancing around at each of us.

"I was thinking I'd make us all some hot chocolate," Armin said. "Maybe order some takeout. You should join."

I could see he was slowly losing his desire to be alone, and sure enough he said, "Well... I guess if it's OK with everybody."

"It's fine," I said. "We all rode over together, so we'll have to pick up my car back at the funeral home; you can follow us."

He agreed and the three of us got into Mikasa's car. She had had the least attachment to Marco, so she had declared herself the most reliable driver for the day. We saw Jean's car pull out behind us and got on our way.

I wanted to say something, but couldn't find anything profound enough or angry enough, or just... _enough._ Finally, I just said, "This whole thing sucks."

"Yeah," Armin said faintly, and Mikasa nodded.

I took Armin's hand between us on the back seat. "I love you guys."

Armin squeezed my hand. "We love you, too."

* * *

 _Sorry to be such a downer! It will get more cheerful. Thanks for reading.  
_


	15. Lucky

_10/24/17_

 _I've got 5 reviews now, which encouraged me to update quickly. See how that works?  
_

 _Heads up: angst coming.  
_

* * *

Fifteen: Lucky

We hung up our coats as we got inside and Mikasa went to turn up the thermostat.

I loosened my tie and rolled my shoulders; they were stiff from carrying weight I wasn't used to.

Jean looked at my tie a moment before asking, "Was that part of your present from the drawing?"

"Yeah," I said, looking down at it. "Didn't think I'd have occasion to wear it so soon..."

He seemed unsure of himself for a moment. Then, "I don't think he'd mind my telling you now... Marco drew your name."

"Really?" I looked at my tie again. I didn't know how to feel. I wished I had known... and then I was glad that I hadn't. I probably would have been more of a mess at the funeral. But I was glad I'd worn it today. "Do you want to know who drew yours?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I guess."

"I did. We asked Marco for ideas."

Jean smiled a little. "He was always asking me stuff. It used to annoy the crap out of me."

He seemed out of place in our home, both more casual and more polite than he had been at work. We sat in the living room and Armin brought us hot chocolate, and we told stories. We remembered a lot of stuff from the academy, some about Marco and some not. We talked about the nice things he'd said to us and done for us, and eventually we talked about Christmas.

Jean hadn't been at the shootout. His mother had answered the phone when Levi called to tell him his partner was in the hospital. He had gone to the ER right away to see how his friend was doing. His mom brought him a dish of Christmas dinner, and finally persuaded him to leave when he still wasn't allowed to see Marco after midnight.

"I had no idea you were there all day," I said, feeling guilty again. "I guess I was busy worrying about Mikasa."

"I'm glad you weren't hurt badly," Jean told Mikasa.

"I was lucky," she said.

"They said Marco woke up a couple of times," Armin said, sounding shy. I knew that voice meant that he knew his words might offend, but that his innocent curiosity was eating him up.

"He did," Jean confirmed. "Only once when I was there. He knew who I was, and he even smiled a little, but he couldn't really talk." His eyes got shiny and he fell silent.

"But if he was doing better..." Armin said in the same timid voice.

"There were complications," Mikasa told him. I didn't know where she came by her information, but she sounded sure. "Apparently, where he got hit is a tricky area, and they ran into some trouble removing the bullet. It was a lot of little things that led one to another."

"Only a few cases like his survive," said Jean. "His chances weren't good."

Armin looked at the floor. "I didn't realize it was so serious. They didn't tell us much."

Mikasa started gathering up our dishes from the coffee table and the floor. Jean handed his to her and asked, "Do you want some help in the kitchen?"

The question seemed really out of character to me, but Mikasa didn't appear surprised. "Sure, that would be nice," she said.

Once they left the room, I looked at Armin and said, "What do we do now?"

"I don't know," he answered. "I was hoping you would."

* * *

Jean and I focus our investigative skills on finding the ex-husband of our break-in victim and putting him under surveillance. We find out all we can about him, building a profile for Armin to analyze. It's a little boring, to be honest, but ninety percent of the job is research.

Finally, the work day is over. It's time to go home, and Levi is coming with me. The feeling of relief is huge and only grows when I see him come out of his office.

He comes to my desk and waits while I shut down my computer. He walks to the door with me; holds it for me. I want to laugh at how wonderfully normal everything feels. But I know we're not cured yet. We still have to make things normal at home. That's going to be a lot harder.

We talk a little about work on the way home and then get portions of leftover roast and vegetables for supper. We take it to the living room and watch the news while we eat. When I'm done, I curl up against him and wait for him to finish.

Everything's pretty normal until our evening routine is done and it's too early to go to bed and too late to do much else. Levi turns the TV off and we sit close on the couch.

"How are you doing?" he asks, and I know he's not inquiring after my health.

"Better with you home," I say. "Pretty good right now. How about you?"

"OK. I've been thinking about what you said. All the things you said, but lately about trying to forgive myself."

"How's that coming?"

He leans his head against mine with a quiet sigh. "I'm trying. Every time I think about it, I see your face... the way you looked at me. How scared you were. And I hate myself all over again."

I actually have to clench my teeth to keep a whimper from getting out. I work my arms around him and squeeze. "Please, don't say that," I choke out. "I love you so much... more than anything. If you could just see what you mean to me, you couldn't hate yourself." I kiss his face urgently, as if I can press my feelings into him through his skin. I have to make him understand somehow.

He threads his fingers into my hair and pulls my head down to his shoulder. "I wish everyone could see me the way you do," he said. "But I don't deserve that."

"Yes, you do. You're amazing... you've done so much for so many people. You screw up once in a while, but that's just because you're human. It doesn't make you evil. I know you don't _want_ to hurt me. That was never what you wanted." I climb halfway into his lap and take his face in my hands. "Do you love me?" I ask earnestly.

His barely perceptible expression is pained, but he answers me clearly. "Yes."

"If things had happened the other way around, would you forgive me? Think about it before you answer."

He leans forward and I let him rest his head against my chest while he considers. After a few moments, he lifts his head again. "Yes," he says. "But... I can't help feeling that I'd have a much harder time provoking you into hurting me."

"Well, try to imagine that I didn't have a good reason. Could you forgive me then?"

He thinks again and then nods.

"Do you think I love you less than you love me?"

"No," he says and swallows.

I can see tears pooling in his eyes and I hate that I'm doing this to him, but I wouldn't if it weren't so important. "I've forgiven you, Levi. Do you believe me?"

He's forcing himself to look at me. He puts his arms around me. "I believe you," he says. One of the tears finds its way out and runs quickly down his face.

I lean forward and kiss his cheek, his tear moistening my lips. "I'm always going to love you. Try to remember that. And remember that I've forgiven you, so it's OK to be happy. It's OK to feel glad to be with me."

He pulls me against his chest and I can feel his hot breath on my neck. "I am... so glad to be with you," he whispers. "So lucky to be with you. I don't ever want to be without you again."

I kiss his temple where the prickly stubble of his undercut begins. Then I kiss his cheek where I find another new tear, and nudge his head around so I can finally kiss his lips. He's tentative, but he's kissing me back. Then he's the one kissing my face all over, like he doesn't want to miss one spot. We sit curled together in a warm ball for several minutes, an occasional tear shed by one of us or the other. I feel like saying more, but I've said plenty for now. I think he wants to say some things, too, but he stays quiet.

Finally I sigh and relax, limp in his arms. "Let's go to bed," I say.

"OK." He runs his hand through my hair and then scoops me to one side, gets up and offers his hand to me. I take it and he pulls me to my feet.

We get into bed a few minutes later. He's in sweatpants and I'm in pajamas, but I've left the shirt open. I'm glad when he pulls me against him, that he doesn't seem skittish of our skin touching anymore. He holds me like I'm something precious to be guarded. I kiss one of the strong arms holding me. I know we're not going to make love tonight, but this is what my body has been missing the most, anyway. I finally feel like we're really back together.

"Good night," I whisper.

"Good night, Eren," he answers.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

I ended up offering to let Jean spend the night. It wasn't super late, but grief is exhausting, and it's rough to go back to an empty apartment after something like what we'd been through. He agreed, and we made him a bed on the couch. Armin found him an extra toothbrush and we made our way to our rooms.

I played with my phone for a while. It wasn't ten o'clock yet. I hesitated a moment and then called Levi's office. I wouldn't try his cell if he didn't answer; I didn't want to disturb him if he wasn't at the station.

After the second ring, Levi picked up.

"It's Eren," I said. "We haven't heard anything from the station all day... I just wondered how things are."

"I didn't want you or your friends to be bothered unnecessarily today," Levi said. "Things are about like usual. Was there a good turnout at the funeral?"

"Yeah. Marco had lots of friends. A lot of his family showed up, too. I'm sorry you couldn't be there."

"I'm going to see his parents tomorrow."

"Oh. That's good. Jean told me Marco had my name for the Christmas drawing," I said, not sure if it was appropriate to tell him that. But I wanted to keep talking to him.

"Ah," was all he said.

"I wasn't sure I liked the tie he got me, but now I think I'll wear it a lot." I couldn't seem to shut up. "I don't want to forget him. I want to do everything I can to make sure we get justice for his family, and to make sure I don't waste whatever time I have." I finally got my mouth to stop running.

"It's good to honor the dead," Levi said. "Just don't forget that our first duty is to the living."

"Yes, sir." Somehow, he always knew what I needed to hear. "My dad called at Christmas... I think I'm going to call him back soon."

"I hope that goes well."

"Thank you."

"Oh, I wanted to tell you that you can schedule an appointment with the precinct's therapist if you think it would help. Any of you can do that on your on-duty time or off, whichever you prefer."

"OK. I'll let the others know. Jean's staying with us tonight."

"Good. How is he doing?"

"I guess about like the rest of us, only a little worse. But I think he'll be OK."

"I hope you're right. Has he said anything about whether he'll stay at the precinct?"

"Not much. I told him I'd be his partner if he stayed."

"You ought to have consulted me about that first, but I think it should be all right. Be sure not to pressure him, though. If he really wants to leave, than he probably should."

I was a little surprised at that, but when I thought about it, it made logical sense. I wanted Jean to stay for Marco, but maybe revenge and missing someone weren't good reasons to be a cop. I wanted him to stay because in a weird way, I would miss him if he left, but that wasn't really a good reason either. "I guess you're right," I said.

"I should go now, and you should get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"OK. Good night."

I hesitated a moment before remembering to answer him. "Good night, Captain." He ended the call and I stared at my phone. It was silly, but I felt good because he had said good night to me. It was something people didn't say to each other often if they weren't family or close friends.

"Aw, damn it, I love him," I muttered to myself. Admitting it was a little bit of a relief, but of all the luck, why did I have to fall for my superior?

* * *

 _I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a comment if you can spare the time.  
_


	16. More Than Colleagues

_Thanks for the new review, warriorcatsrule42!_

 _I see I have quite a few Australian readers this month. Interesting. :)_

 _Sorry this one took so long. Halloween kept me very busy for a while there, and Thanksgiving and Christmas are likely to do the same. At least this is a long one._

* * *

Sixteen: More Than Colleagues

Once I realized I loved Levi, I became a bit of a wreck at the office. I was terrified that other people would notice, worried that Levi would notice, worried that Levi _wouldn't_ notice... I just had no clue what to do.

A week or so after Marco's funeral, Levi called me to his office, and my stomach was rolling around as I went to the door and knocked. The shades were open, so I could see Erwin inside with him. He nodded to me to enter. As it turned out, it was about Annie.

"All she's said is that she wants to negotiate," Erwin told me. "Obviously, we can't release her under any circumstances, but it might do some good to hear what she's offering."

"You want me to talk to her?" I asked.

"If you're up to it."

"Your conversation won't be private," Levi said, "so you'll need to watch for any hidden signals she may try to give you."

I looked at the floor. I wanted to please Levi more than anything, but I was tired of dealing with Annie. She had suspected my double cross both times I'd gone to meet her, and I didn't feel like she'd be friendly toward me now. "Why me?" I asked.

"Regardless of the fact that you helped bring her in, you've been closer to her than any of the rest of us. You have a better chance of reading her well and of gaining her trust."

"I'd think I would be the last person she trusted at this point."

"You have a connection, even if it's not a pleasant one," Erwin said. "It's a way in that may save some time, if nothing else."

I didn't like it at all. I kept my eyes on the floor.

"You won't be in any danger," said Levi.

"I know."

"I understand that it's unpleasant, having to deal this way with someone who was a friend," said Erwin.

I shook my head. "It's not that so much as... I feel like she's partially responsible for Marco's death. I know she didn't kill him, but the word is that it was a Titan that got him. I just don't want to see her."

I had heard Levi moving around while we talked, though I didn't look up to see what he was doing, and now I was surprised to find him putting a cup of tea into my hands.

"Uh... thanks," I said. I knew very well that it was a tactic we used on suspects: give them something to eat or drink to calm them down and make them more willing to talk. But at the same time, since Levi had given it to me, I felt like I had to drink it. It was a sign that he cared about me. I took a sip. It was bitter. I didn't particularly like it, but I tried not to show it.

"Maybe we can give him some time to think about it," Levi suggested.

I sighed. "Is there any point? I mean, I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"What do you mean?" Erwin asked.

"You two are my superiors, and you want me to do it, so I'm going to end up doing it, right?"

Levi shrugged. "He's got us there."

"Subtle," Erwin said with a reproachful look at Levi.

I sighed again. "Tell me what you want me to do."

* * *

I feel well rested when I wake up, though one of my arms is asleep—Levi ended up on top of it. I try to work it out from under him carefully, but he wakes up almost immediately. I pull my arm away and grimace as it starts tingling painfully.

"You OK?" Levi asks.

I nod. "Arm's asleep."

He shifts a little and takes my arm in both hands, beginning to rub it to speed up my returning circulation. He glances at the clock on his dresser. "What would you like for breakfast? We have plenty of time."

"You," I want to say, but I resist the temptation. The tingling starts to subside. "How about French toast?" I ask.

"All right." He squeezes my hand and leans over to kiss my forehead.

"Don't get up yet," I say, putting my more-awake arm around him.

He relaxes beside me again and looks at my face as I admire his abs for the thousandth time. "Do you want to talk?" he asks. When I shrug, he asks, "Did you have something else in mind?"

During our time together, I've gotten pretty bold, but this whole business has made me shy again. Instead of making some cocky answer like I might have a month ago, I sit up a little so I can kiss his neck.

He gets the message and we tentatively work our way into our first make-out session in forever. I won't go into detail; for the sake of the narrative, I'll say that though we both have some hesitation, we also both enjoy it. We know where to leave off before things become either too heated to stop or too awkward to go on.

At that point, Levi pulls away. "I love you," he says and kisses my forehead once more.

I'm happy that he said it first this time. "Love you, too," I say.

He gets dressed in the bedroom this time, and I get out of bed as he's leaving the room.

We're so close. Maybe it will still be a long time before we're quite back to normal, but I feel like it's within reach.

* * *

I hate visiting people in prison. It always makes me wonder how on earth anyone could care so little about their liberty that they would risk getting put into such a place. And visitors don't see the worst of it.

Since Annie had had only a preliminary hearing so far and not been convicted of anything, she was allowed to see visitors in a communal room and have her handcuffs off during the visit. Both men and women were kept at this facility; it was mostly for short stays awaiting trial or as penalty for minor crimes like littering or repeat traffic violations.

Annie gave me a small smile as she sat across from me. She lifted her wrists to have her handcuffs removed, and then her escort moved back to give us the illusion of privacy.

"Wearing a wire this time?" she asked me coyly.

"You said you wanted to negotiate," I said.

She sighed. "You're no fun when you're not lying to me. Yes, I want to negotiate."

"So, what do you want?"

"I should think that would be obvious. This place sucks. I want out."

"That's not happening."

"You know if my case goes to trial, I'll be out before long anyway. Your attempted murder charge won't stick. You're just holding me here because you think I'll make trouble for you out there."

"We don't think you would—we know you would."

"So you agree, the charges are bogus."

"No. But I will say that we might consider lessening it to a kidnapping charge."

"Please. You got into that truck of your own free will. No one kidnapped you."

"We'll see what a judge thinks about that. But supposing we are willing to let you out sooner, what are you offering in return?"

Her expression changed slightly; this was what she'd been building toward. "Information," she said.

"And what could you possibly tell us from in here that we haven't already learned out there?"

"Don't be so quick to dismiss me, Jaeger." She leaned forward a little and lowered her voice. "I was sorry to hear that Marco was killed."

I have to admit, I was a little thrown. The words seemed antagonistic, but her tone was actually sincere. I just stared back at her.

"He was a really sweet guy," she went on. "But I just knew someone was going down, and it was bound to be one of the new guys."

"Are... are you saying you ordered a hit on him?" I asked, aghast.

"Oh—not at all," she said, almost laughing. "What I am saying is, I know who killed him."

My throat tightened. "How could you know that? You weren't there."

"No... for that at least, I have an ironclad alibi." She did chuckle that time.

"Then how?" I asked, accidentally letting some anger into my voice.

"The deal is, you tell me something I want to hear, and I give you a name. Take a little time to think it over. But not too long."

I shook my head. "I'm not playing games with you, Annie. Definitely not if I have to play by your rules."

"If you're done playing games... why are you here without your captain?"

I didn't like the way she was looking at me. I felt a knot forming in my stomach.

"You want that name, Eren," she said, and I knew she had switched to my first name with purpose. "I know you do. I think we can help each other. So, think it over." She got up and went to the guard who was standing by.

I blinked. She wasn't supposed to end the interview. Why had I let her walk away? I shook my head. She'd really caught me by surprise by talking about Marco. It was the last thing I had expected her to offer as leverage. I left the interview room more upset than I had entered it.

* * *

"Just like I thought, she wants out," I told Levi and Erwin when I met up with them in the lobby. I repeated what she had said as closely as I could remember it and they thought it over.

"It's interesting that she went for a purely emotional offer," Erwin said.

"But can we do anything with it?" Levi countered. "Even if we get one name... and even if we haul that person in, as well as their known associates, what are the chances that we can make charges stick?"

"Am I done?" I asked. I knew it was kind of rude, but I was sick of the whole thing.

"Is he?" Levi asked Erwin.

"For today, certainly," the commissioner answered. "We'll have to think over our options for a while before we make a move."

"But you're not going to let her out, so what's the difference?" I asked, wanting to leave, but unable to contain my curiosity.

"We might be able to make her a counter offer."

I didn't think that sounded promising, but I couldn't let myself stay any longer. I sighed. "Well... I'll see you tomorrow, captain."

"Get some rest," Levi told me.

I nodded and made my exit. I was annoyed with myself for being so uncooperative. I was really eager to help when it started, but that was before I knew who the Titan leader was. This was all too close to home now. I thought maybe Levi would think I was pathetic to let Annie get to me, and that bugged me. I thought about going back and apologizing. But what could I say? I still didn't want to be involved, much as I wanted to avenge Marco.

I was out at the parking garage before I remembered that I had come with Levi in his car. I'd have to call Armin to pick me up... or a cab.

"Want a ride back to the station?"

I turned around, and there was Levi. He hadn't forgotten, and he'd cut his discussion with Erwin short to make sure I had a ride. What was I going to say—no? "Thanks," I said, avoiding his piercing gaze.

He fell into step with me and we walked back to his car without speaking. He walked to the passenger side with me and opened the door for me. This time I felt like he was doing it out of kindness. I imagined that he somehow understood the mess going on in my mind, even though he didn't show any feeling outwardly.

We stayed quiet for a while as he drove. Finally, I couldn't take the silence anymore. "I didn't think things would get so personal," I said in an apologetic tone.

I didn't hear him answer, and I couldn't look at him.

"I wish we could get Marco back... that's the only way things would really be fixed."

"So... since they can't be 'fixed'... you're giving up?" he asked.

"Not on everything..."

"You're right that we can't get him back. We have to go forward with the next best reality that doesn't include Marco. Maybe it's one in which we convict his killer. But it's definitely one in which we don't take each other for granted. Agreed?"

I peeked up at him. "Y-yeah," I stammered. There was no way I could disagree with that. It was kind of what we'd talked about on the phone after the funeral.

"I'm sorry that work has become so difficult. It's just our lot to do the difficult shit no one else can."

It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, and it wasn't very politely put, but I again couldn't argue. It felt kind of good to have him lay things out like that. It also felt kind of good when, to my amazement, he reached over and put his hand on my leg.

I froze for a few seconds. I was telling myself to stay calm, to not assume anything. He was trying to comfort me, and he just wasn't used to doing that for people so it was a little awkward... I stole another glance at his face, but it told me nothing; he was looking straight ahead, watching the road. I pressed my lips together, trying to keep it cool.

When he hadn't moved his hand after another mile or two (how the heck did he use his turn signal and change lanes and all that with only one hand? he's a ninja or something), I took a deep breath, told myself I was never going to get anywhere if I didn't at least try, and slid my hand on top of his.

Nothing. No reaction. Neither crazed swerving into a ditch nor a cold glare and sharp reprimand nor his hand turning over to clasp mine... nothing. What did this mean? _This is so unfair!_ I thought, on the verge of panic. I couldn't tell a thing from his actions or from his face—only that he cared. That was good enough in the past, but now that it felt like there might be something more than that, I was desperate to know for sure.

We were turning into the station's parking garage, and he finally withdrew his hand to effectively steer into his usual space. He put the car in park and cut the engine.

I swallowed. "Levi..."

Then he leaned over the console and kissed me. Not a mad, passionate kiss, but definitely a purposeful one. I'm not sure how long it lasted. He pulled away and I guess I was just gawking at him. He stared back, clearly trying to read my face and not having much more luck than I had reading him.

"Did I misread you?" he asked at last.

I tried to answer, but nothing came out so I shook my head. I felt myself blushing. So hot... probably very bright.

"Then what's the matter?" he asked.

I swallowed again. "Uh... it's just that... well, you're... you're my boss," I stuttered, feeling another heat wave wash over my face. "I mean, couldn't we both get in a lot of trouble?"

"Mm." He sat back in his seat. "I could," he said. "I wouldn't let it extend to you."

"I don't want you to risk your job," I said quickly. Even though I wanted this attention from him more than anything, I knew I'd hate myself for it if Levi were demoted or fired because of me.

"And if I could find a loophole... would you be all right with it then?"

I nodded. Too quickly. I probably seemed really desperate. "Sure," I said, trying to sound calm. Probably failing.

"OK." He got out of the car and easily came around before I could collect myself enough to open the door. He opened it and held out his hand to me.

 _Did that even really just happen?_ I thought wildly. What if I'd somehow blown things out of proportion in my mind? Levi would never kiss me... it was so unprofessional, and besides, he didn't think of me that way. Maybe it was his French ancestry... he was just giving me a sort of a familial caress...

As I took his hand and got out of the car, I searched his eyes. "Wait," I said quietly. "Um... You... you really want..." I didn't want to spell it out for fear of being wrong and looking like a complete idiot.

"I want to see you outside of work," Levi interrupted my awkward sputtering. "I think it's clear that we're more than colleagues to each other. Am I wrong?"

"N-no, sir. You're not wrong."

He nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Then he was walking away. I watched him go, thinking crazy thoughts about running after him and making out with him... ugh. That would never work out. I'd screw it up somehow. Or it would just be way too much too soon for him. I started to lean back and stopped myself just in time. The last thing I needed was to set off Levi's car alarm.

I went to my car and got inside as quickly as I could. I locked myself in and rested my head on the steering wheel. Levi knew I liked him. How long had he known? And he actually liked me, too?! I felt giddy. I realized I was shaking a little. I laughed and then cried a little and rubbed my face and leaned back against the seat and sighed heavily. "Oh, my god, what just happened?" I said to myself in a hysterical little voice. Another minute and I was fit to drive. A little insane, but competent behind the wheel, at least.

* * *

 _Finally, right? Hope you enjoyed. Please leave a comment!  
_


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